Wordlessness: On Bread

I love my blog. I really do. I feel like it's a safe space for me to simply reflect, and recount, and remember, and I'm so blessed to have a group of people that enjoy reading along with me as I work through the moments of my life. As one such reader, you might notice that I haven't been posting very much lately; I'm not exposing a lot of my heart on here (my last post was almost a month ago, and a sewing tutorial. I mean c'mon, Sam, get it together, am I right?).

Right now I'm experiencing a Season of Wordlessness. Sometimes it makes me sad, to see very little come from my writing creatively, but in general I feel incredibly creative in a thousand other ways and I'm allowing myself to pursue those instead.

My Wordlessness is not a reflection of a closed-off heart. I'm still expressing my heart, my emotions and my experiences. But in a new way: I'm baking bread.

A lot of bread.

Seriously. In the last three months, I have become a bread-making addict. I'm experiencing a full bread-related transformation. As someone who tinkered with baking only a year ago, the fact that I have a full-on love obsession with bread is almost hard to believe, but here it is, and here I am. My home smells like proofing yeast and my community is becoming established around rising loaves of crispy-on-the-outside, soft-on-the-inside, slather-it-in-butter, bread.

My obsession has led me to creating all kinds of bread. Everything is new to me; I'm no expert, and I'm learning along the way, absorbing every. single. piece of information or ideas or knowledge or wisdom that anybody has to offer about anything bread-related. Because, you know, there are a lot of incredible bread bakers out there; moms who bake bread as a part of their weekly routine for their family, grandmothers who settle for nothing less than their 1960's cookbook recipe, bloggers who are even more obsessed than I am, and the random odd comment you hear every now and again with a slight tip you never heard in your life that you bank in your brain for who-knows-when and then use it! Because of that. Because making bread is an art, and there are many, many artists more skilled than I. And because I want to know them.

I always tell my husband that I love to see people enraptured in what they're doing. I love seeing people in love with anything. It's fun to watch, really. Have you viewed a painter, paint? Completely enthralled in their strokes? Have you ever seen my husband taking photos of beer? Or a pastor so excited about their sermon they just can't stop themselves from jumping up and down in joy as they speak to you? A few months ago, Jessi Connoly posted on her Instagram a photo of her daughter copying her mother's writing dance - the one where she flails her hands in the air and is really excited about getting her words on the screen, to speak to us, as God speaks through her. It's that. If you really can't think of the reference I'm making, turn your television on to the Food Network right now, and catch a cook in action. It looks like they're dancing, right? It's a dance, between that person, and the thing they love to do, and as Emily Freeman keeps repeating in A Million Little Ways, that person becomes FULLY ALIVE.

So here I am, with bread. Fully alive. And yet, wordless. Wordless with a new set of words. Did you know that ciabatta literally means 'slipper'? So the ciabatta bun I make for you at my home, or the one you enjoy at the local coffee shop, that should remind you of a cozy slipper? That's what I want you to feel when you eat my bread! That's what I want to feel when I make it for you. I'm crafting a pair of cozy slippers, for you to enjoy. Or, did you know that if you clap your water-covered hands over a loaf about to slide in to bake, you'll result in a crispier edge? And that crispy edge will make the soft interior ever the more beautiful to the tongue? Or that if you fill a metal bowl filled with ice and allow it to steam in the oven, you'll soon be indulging in the most moist, beautiful, golden bread you can dream? And I want to dance that for you! I want to dance that for my family; dance that bread to live, and myself to life, and pull it out of the oven and breathe a sigh of relief that the bread... it rose. It worked. It crackled.

Lately, I'm wordless. And yet I'm dancing. I am finding ways to become fully alive, in new ways. Writing makes me feel fully expressed. Bread makes me feel fully alive.

So if I continue to remain Wordless, for now, for this season, assume that I'm baking a loaf of bread.

Blog Design | My Life (His Mission)

Hello, friends! Well, as I'm sure you've surmised, we've moved, settled and unpacked about 40% of our boxes. We have a lot of boxes. And a toddler. It's slow-going to say the least.

I do have some blog posts lined up to launch but in the meantime I wanted to share something super exciting before it becomes old internet news! Bum-ba-a-bum! Over the last few months, I worked with Kerry Todd of My Life (His Mission) to create and launch her funky & fun new blog style! And it's live! Actually it went live just before we moved, but I didn't have the chance to promote it. So here we are.

So, who's Kerry?

Well girl, you should find out.

Kerry is an adoptive mom who shares honestly and openly about infertility, and is in the process of bringing another child into the fam via adoption. On her blog, you'll find interesting and reflective anecdotes about life and faith, but to me the most interesting and gripping side of her blog is all about parenting her daughter Alivea. I met Kerry through the Influence Network and we've been getting to know each other through our weekly online Google Hangout (Mastermind Group).

She's also fun & spunky and we worked together to make sure her design reflected that!

So pop on over to My Life (His Mission), give Kerry a little love, and keep an eye on her shop - new products will be arriving soon as she sets out to raise funds for adoption no. 2!

Looking for blog design? I'm getting started and looking for practice. We could make a good team. Get in touch with me by emailing samanthalisabutler [at] gmail.com and let's sort something out!

(I've also worked with Bri from Tea With Bri to put together this design a few months ago - check it out, too!)

The Little Things: Boiling it Down

This week, my goals are to boil things down. It's not that I want less "stuff", because I think we're doing pretty decently on the "stuff" front. It's that I want less "stuff-in-boxes-in-my-basement".

So I'm boiling it down: sorting through all the things that have gone un-sorted for nearly four years, throwing out the stuff that I was holding onto because I felt guilty and/or pack-ratting and distilling things into less things.

The toughest stuff to boil down so far has been memory boxes. We had five. Five boxes of memories, with everything from Congratulations! It's a Boy! letters to John's parents circa '89, to my diary from age 8 (hilarious, by the way) and drawings, paintings, and dozens on dozens on dozens on hundreds of letters from 16 year-old John to 16 year-old Sam and vice-versa (we pseudo-dated at camp, so to keep our eyes on Jesus we didn't really talk much... everything went on paper after the campers were in bed), and GO transit passes from visiting each other, John's earliest photography, and save the dates, RSVP cards from our wedding and friends' (Anne&Pim '08 what what), drawings from Jordan to John to Jerrad to Brock and back again, and (my favourite) an incredible movie script by Grade 5 John & his Grade 5 friend James (who now actually works on movies)... the list goes on.

It was good and hard to get rid of some of that. To choose the coolest painting or two from when I was 6. To throw out Sweet 16 birthday cards. Really, really bad poetry... finally destroyed. Stuff like that.

Because we had to consider: what will mean something to us in twenty years?

What will mean something to our grandkids? What will share stories of our life? What will accurately reflect who we were, not who we wanted to be? Because we, as people, keep changing. John and I are different people than when we met, or even from when we married. And I think that's awesome - to preserve our evolution.

And it's been fun to decide what to keep and what to toss, because hopefully one day, The Caterpillar will be sorting through it all with her grandkids, mostly in a state of confusion (much of it is a collection of inside jokes). And we'll have sorted through the same time capsule, reminiscing over old jokes or bad haircuts and loving it all.

And for the record, here is what life actually does look like, lately.

Lots of reading. Lots of new interest in books.

Lots of being hard at work. John's busy lately.

Lots of gardening. Or, at least, just going to be outdoors.

Lots of barbecues and beers. Well, not lots of beers, but at least 1 beer per barbeque.
You know, a reasonable amount of beer.

The Problem With Lululemon's Search for a CEO

In the last few days, it has come to transpire that Lululemon is seeking a new CEO. For those who aren't sure what this means, because you've presumably been living under a tightly hairsprayed rock for the last twenty years of your life, a CEO is passionate about "stuff like making decisions, having a vision and being the head boss person." (Not my words).

Essentially, their online job posting for a CEO pegs the 23-26 year old female would-be totally awesome yogi/company lead, prepared to take shots of tequila and/or wheatgrass at any given Friday afternoon (citing "work/life balance").

The intention of the Lululemon job posting is to be quirky and fun, edgy in a world of droning career want-ads, and to target the exact type of person they need to represent their brand. And I get it: brand representation is crucial to any organization, inside and out. It is important that your company breathes its brand, wears its brand, and takes showers in its brand. The confidence of knowing exactly who you are (or who your company is) tends to be what brings like-minded consumers your way.

I get it. I get it.

But as I read the job posting for the Lululemon CEO circa 2013, I couldn't help but feel kind of... sick to my stomach. Offended. What was intended to be a fun slap in the ass came out a little more like a crude slap in the face.

The post, which you can read here, of course places priority on athletic young women. Nothing wrong in that: it's an athletics brand.

The age group is made quite clear by the "vote for Pedro" finer print which anyone currently over the age of 30 is likely to misinterpret or entirely not understand: It's unlikely that anyone over the age of 24 at the time of the movie's release watched Napoleon Dynamite, let alone sported the VfP t-shirt that will forever be burned into our memory as the signifier of the Good Old Days. To truly have voted for Pedro you had to be 14 years old and laughing on.the.floor while Mom took a glimpse of your new fave movie and declared that the Future of Our Country Is Going Down the Drain.

That said, candidate must not only understand early 2000s pop culture references, but must be thoroughly hipster enough to strut The Mansy with enough confidence and sass as to sink a job as the CEO of a multi million dollar company.

Here is the part where I let out a big sigh.

Yes. What we're looking at is a job posting for women under the age of 30. Yes, most of it is a joke; of course you don't expect Chip Wilson, Bill Clinton, Ellen & Oprah on the candidate's speed-dial. But you're trying to communicate something to us under-30s.

Alright, Lululemon, I'm listening.

What you're saying to me is that I don't take work seriously. That you're looking for someone who doesn't take work seriously. You're looking for someone with maximum 10 years of field experience, 3 or 4 of those likely in junior or intern positions. As your CEO. Is that right?

Sure, I wouldn't consider myself as even slightly a potential candidate for the job. Unfortunately I can't hold a headstand for at least 10 minutes.

However, if this post is real life, I fear that you would scare away any woman (or.. man..) that would be a suitable candidate for the job. (It's likely that Lululemon has an inside hire to consider, or someone already lined up and rearing to go. It's likely that this "quirky" job posting is a cute publicity stunt, another thumbs up in the brand.)

But trying to lighten the mood of the job-search world is a cruel nail in the coffin of many recent BAs' dreams of immediate post-graduation success. We've been told since we were children that "what you do" is you go to school, and then you go to more school, and then you go to more school, and you then get a job that pays off that school, and then you're happy. And you find the man (or woman) of your dreams and get married and fill your house with small hands and feet and post the white picket fence and you live FOREVER. And it's becoming increasingly clear that we were lied to - not because anyone was out to hurt us, but because nobody really knew better. Maybe it was that easy for our parents.

So many of us have undergraduate degrees. Less of us, but still many, have beautiful MA or MBA certificates to hang on their wall (good for you, by the way, that's actually awesome). And how many of us have solid careers? And how many of us would like to be patronized by being told that a CEO is the "head boss person" who "knows the secret to how they got the caramel in the Caramilk bar"? (You think we don't know that?)

Lululemon, you are perpetuating the problem. You're making the act of securing the position of CEO seem so simple that you're advertising it to people who are highly unlikely to even be a consideration for upper management, let alone "report[ing] to no one". You understand that it's hard enough to get a job at a bank with a university degree, right? And that with a Master's, many of us start out as research assistants - and not necessarily because being an RA has been a lifelong passion?

I am furious that this job posting is considered quirky and fun. I'm furious that us under-30s are having a rough go. I'm upset that we're considered lazy, or perpetuating of our own problems, and that it's being blamed on us that some of us live with our parents. I'm aware that it's a cyclical process: I'm not calling for a 1% revolution here, I'm calling for you to give us a chance at being Grown Ups. (And I'm talking to you, government of Ontario, RE Making Life Harder for Young Teachers.)

Because then, eventually, when we're over 30, we'll have the skills to "elevate and cultivate the level of talent within the senior leadership team". (That quote, by the way, is the only sentence in the job posting to speak to the reader as though she was an adult. And then it falls down the drain. Really, really far down the drain.)

But, if being talked down to is something you're looking for, apply here.

The Little Things: On My Plate

I felt pretty good about myself today, I have to tell you that. I made some seriously healthy choices - and it always feels good to feel in control of the choices you make. It's good stuff.

So this morning, healthy and chipper and bright eyed, I went to my garden and picked some spinach, baby size, all ready for a salad. I lobbed some herbs off of their plants and came home, beginning to prepare for a healthy spinach salad dinner.

I diligently rinsed my spinach and herbs, laid them out to dry in some paper towel on the counter, and moved on with my day in the full knowledge that my fresh produce was ready to eat. And that made me feel really good.

I combined with the herbs some garlic and olive oil, toasted them on high for 30 seconds, and popped them in the oven to roast as the rest of our dinner cooked. I gave the spinach one more toss and laid it onto two separate plates, so it could sit patiently awaiting our consumption, ready to lend its nutrients to our needy bodies.

And we ate, and dinner was delicious, and I savoured every bite.

I enjoyed it.

John enjoyed it.

And I noticed, as I lifted the fork to my mouth for one last bite of enjoyment,
that there was a tiny transparent caterpillar slithering across my plate,
enjoying every ounce of goodness I felt about myself today,
mixing with the olive oil,
and enjoying the fragrance of the herbs.

I suppose that's what you get for picking spinach from the ground.

It's All Good: In Defence of Paltrow. And all the other people who are striving to improve.

One of the sweet joys of shopping is seeing a product you really want but really can't justify, reach a really great sale. Case in point? It's All Good. I want this $35 book. I can't spend $35 on a book. But $20? I can do that. Thanks, Target. It's all good.

It's All Good is Gwyneth Paltrow's second cookbook. The woman/goddess is a self-proclaimed foodie with the butt of a 22 year old (however not this 22 year old) and is recently committed to nearly-gluten-free, elimination-diet style eating. As a new convert into the world of health consciousness, and a fan of GP, I obviously have many reasons to read.

And I did, and the cookbook is awesome and inspiring. Thus far it has boosted my confidence in the kitchen (RE the 'whipping a meal together with a near empty pantry & a lush herb garden' story), and my confidence in living with a little less food on my plate ("there is elegance in restraint").

The recipes are simple and interesting and include a wealth of ingredients I'd never thought to try (miso paste, broccoli rabe, sesame oil, sesame seeds, and on and on). The instructions are fun and real-to-life (no "al dente" in here) and it's a style that I just seem to click with. And that's really hard to do with a full recipe book. Mkay? You know there's a rant coming, don't you?

So with my new love for It's All Good under my belt after a thorough read and a tryout of a few recipes, I was really displeased to find this article by The Guardian (and let's be real, there are probably dozens more like it but it's not nice to share those) which essentially seeks to "expose" Paltrow's "crackpot" elimination diet theories which focus on reducing food sensitivities by avoiding the foods which we are - wait for it - sensitive to. Eggs got you bloating? Find an alternative protein source. Is that really so ridiculous? The Guardian seems to think so.

In the Guardian article, Paltrow is characterized as having a "fear of food"and in being pursuant to a "laughable Hollywood neuroticism" which funds the bank-account of this "full time sprouter of nonsense". Well, without getting too defensive personally, I would like to step up to acknowledge some of the inconsistencies the Guardian (and The Atlantic Wire, and The Post) are shooting off because of convenience, popularity and the fact that it's just so easy to hate on someone or something that makes you uncomfortable.

Here's the thing.
Making a lifestyle decision to pursue healthy eating is a bold, difficult and courageous choice.

It is simple to live a life of apathy. It is much easier to purchase packaged food than whole food. It's easier to not exercise than it is to exercise. And it's more simple to criticize rather than to understand.

Making the conscious decision to wake up and say, "you know what I'm going to do today? I'm going to pursue health" takes serious effort. Not only does it mean purging the stuff that you want to engage in but shouldn't, it also means substituting with good, real things which are often more time consuming, difficult or farther out of reach. Gwyneth Paltrow's It's All Good isn't shouting out anything new or revolutionary (Elimination Dieting is OLD NEWS), and although it's not perfect (she suggests eating veganaise instead of mayonnaise, but I'd go for homemade mayo over a soy-based product any day) she isn't pushing a Don't Eat solution on anybody, she isn't malnourished, and for goodness sakes, there aren't enough recipes in one cookbook to simply live off of and you're supposed to find other sources for recipes, food ideas, and maybe think for yourself from time to time.

For someone like me who is prone to bloating, weight gain, and bingeing on chocolate / french fries / pizza / whipped cream / french fries / foamy lattes / french fries I need a fresh kick in the squishy tush now and again to try something new. That's why I'm doing 30 Meals in 30 Days. That's why I start running (currently I'm not!), and then start gardening, and then start buying organic, and then taking trips to the farmer's market, and drinking lemon water, staggering all of these solutions and taking advantage of them when possible and letting things slide when not.

It sounds like my approach is similar to Gwyneth's who seems to go through phases of learning and trying, and is excited to share with the world what she's doing. Life isn't static, and neither are her approaches to life. To some that's laughable. They prefer consistency,  a one-approach solution which is simpler to nail down and pursue. (Those people probably don't like blogs very much.)

But to me, it's inspiring, encouraging and helpful to read a series of recipes which promote a bold, difficult and courageous choice towards pursuing healthy living - the tough thing to do in a world where a meal at Burger King costs less than a meal at home.

What do you think? I say it's all good.

Mastermind Group | Meet My New Friends!

Look at that. A non-food related post. Get ready because it's gonna be over quick: I've got something like 27 days of new meals left to share with you. O'boy.

Anyways...

I've shared before that I'm a member of The Influence Network. Since the network started back in January '13, I've learned some really great things: how to be proactive & strategic with social media; what inspires me; and how to get involved in some really interesting forum-based discussion. 

It's been really cool to find a community of like-minded people!

But after a while, I wanted something a little more than the forums and the classes: I wanted face to face contact. And I didn't want to get Catfished in the process. So a group of like-minded ladies and myself banded together to create a Mastermind Group - essentially a small group where women from across North America meet face-to-face, through Google Hangout, to collaborate and discuss. Ballin', am I right? I'm right.

Tonight was our first meetup and it felt... well, it felt like this:

For the first time ever, I feel like I am using the internet for what it was really meant to do. #community #influencenet #mastermindgroup
— Samantha Butler (@_samanthabutler) May 15, 2013

We used words like vision and purpose; encourage and hold accountable. Between the bunch of us, we've got three time zones, eight states/provinces, and eleven different lives to live - and despite this, were able to connect for one hour. Uh-cool.

That would be myself, looking incredibly goofy, while nursing The Caterpillar. 

So we've decided to kickstart our group by sharing a linkup, and a little bit about why a Mastermind Group is valuable to us. So here I go:

Why is a Mastermind Group important to me? 
I'm looking to connect with a community of like-minded Christian women bloggers and business owners to share ideas, learn and grow. I'm looking to continually create. And the best way to do this is by linking arm in arm with other creators.

What are my goals for this Mastermind Group?
This first time around, my goals are simple: I want to connect and meet with other people who are like me: women who God has called to write their life, share their stories, and run small businesses.

What are my goals for my blog in the next 6-12 months?
Write more continuously, schedule my posts, write them in advance, and be very purposeful and intentional - yet flexible.

Who are my blogging inspirations?

Naptime Diaries. Jessi's designs and prints are great, and her blog looks beautiful, but what really inspires me about Naptime Diaries is the author's purpose. She does everything with intention: there's a mix of vlogs, shop shoutouts, discounts, sponsorship plans, and a connection between her various networks - She Reads Truth and The Influence Conference / Network. The planning and intention lets you know that she's doing what she wants to be doing - and there's a reason you should be coming along for the ride. It keeps me coming back.

Our Nest in the City. Similarly, Emily is very intentional - and her blog has a breezy feel to it. Like, "Thanks for coming in! - try this pumpkin cookie I made! - mind if I speak in french for a sec?" Her posts are planned in advance, and she doesn't seem to mind if they're short & sweet once in a while. They also are mixed up well - a little food, a little photo dump of the kiddos, a little heart-to-heart. I think this is what makes it feel so comfortable. Our Nest in the City is like your favourite pair of yoga pants that still look pretty cute, and you could wear them to a fancy restaurant if you wanted, but they'll also do a great job when you're watching a movie at home. (If that has any negative connotation to you, you need to get a better pair of yoga pants!)

A Royal Daughter. I feel like Amanda has really leveraged the beauty of connection: she has this unique understanding of how to connect people with people, businesses with businesses and herself with you. She writes a lot about infertility and I think that is so important - not just to speak about in her own experience, but for those who don't struggle with it personally. She manages to touch on some really difficult issues with love and gentility, and that's not an easy place to write towards. Amanda is also super serious about owning her content - her design and her writing is hers and she is very knowledgeable about how to be your own blogger. I love that.

And now, meet my new friends. I think they're really cool & I hope you take the time to check out their websites and stay a while!

A Strange Little Band: Blog Revamp

"The family. We were a strange little band of characters trudging through life, sharing diseases and toothpaste,  covering one another's desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money,  locking each other out of our rooms, inflicting pain and kissing to heal it in the same instant, loving, laughing, defending, and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us together." - Erma Bombeck

It was back in 2009 when I read those words for the first time and I have to tell you, they were like honey to the lips. These were the most beautiful, powerful, fitting words for my life that I have ever seen - and I don't even remember how I found them. What profound love spilled through this quote.

I'll be honest, I've never read a Bombeck book. Titles like "When You Look Like Your Passport Photo, It's Time To Go Home", or "Eat Less Cottage Cheese and More Ice Cream: Thoughts on Life" are appealing to me - so I'm sure, one day, my shelves will be filled with her works.

But for now, I owe three years of blogging to this woman because it was her that really knew how to sum up my thoughts, beliefs, loves, fears, and truths on family.

--------------------------------------

The last year of my life has been filled with more love and laughter and tears than I could have imagined, all thanks to my family. I've been cleaning poop off my dresses, yelling over Thanksgiving dinner, practicing gentleness (often to failure), learning to cook, learning to write, learning to edit, learning to paint my nails, and paying a visit to the old hard-lined feminist Sam once in a while, too. I've had little time to really reflect on not only who I am but who I want to be - and by extension, what my blog is and what I want it to be.

In the last year, I've prayed for discernment of whether I should even be having a blog. (The answer was a strong yes.) I've taken classes on how to effectively communicate through your blog. (The secret is to keep your diary in one room, and your computer in the other. The public does not need to see my dirty laundry. That's what a porch is for.) I've stumbled around to find vision, creativity and direction as I've learned to discover my voice and my dreams.

I'll be honest with you here: I have a long-term writing goal. There is a Master's program in creative writing that one day, when I'm in my thirties, God-willing, I'd like to take. If it still exists at the time. I like to write because I like to reveal what I'm learning, and I like to be honest and real: to foster a community of inclusion, a reassurance to those like me that they're not alone - and maybe that I'm not alone either. If I can continue to do this through professional means - well, that would be my dream. For now, my blog is a stepping stone to the path I one day want to build.

So, late one night, with all of this in mind - the last year and the future - I pulled down my blog. I kept my content but I otherwise started from scratch. I prayed that what I emerged with would reflect who I am and who I want to be and there were a few key elements which cropped up:

Femininity.
Honesty.
Faith-filled perspectives.
Imperfections.

Femininity.
For those of you who have been with me in the blogging journey since day one, you'll know that I started this blog because I got married and I couldn't cook. I was a feminist, and a free woman, and an independent thinker, and a man can damn well cook for himself. I was going to be a high-earning, high-achieving, highly-educated woman who happened to be married because she found the love of her life. Well, as it turns out, an independent-thinking-free-woman-feminist still wants to cook for her husband once in a while and when that's not possible, what do you do? You blog. You learn. You burn the rice and under-cook it at the same time.

In no sense did 'femininity' describe who I was. But since beginning my blog, embarking on my twenties and growing a family, God has brought out the lady that's inside. She's rough around the edges and she doesn't stay silent, but she's there. She now wears dresses and cuts her hair on a bi-annual basis. She bakes things and she also breaks things. But she's there. There is a feminine side of me and I wanted to reflect this through my blog. Hence the overwhelming pink. Sorry, male readers. Please stick with me.

Honesty.
I recently had a miscarriage. It was agony. For weeks, it was heartbreak and sadness. But there were moments of hope and the underlying message that God wanted to communicate with me was that He is still good. Still good. Was good, will be good, is still good. This message was bursting through me and although I couldn't do much else and was on a barely-function basis, I felt I had to blog it. And am I ever glad I did: messages, love, support, questions from those in similar situations, poured out of cracks in the log that I never even knew existed. Readers came from the woodwork that I didn't know took the time.

Family is more than blood. Family is community. And through honesty, we can all find community together.

Faith-Filled Perspectives.
I'm blessed enough to be surrounded by those who share a similar faith to me, but I'm aware that voices of hope and healing are seldom heard in this world. When Toyota Prius unleashes such catchy commercials you could sing along to all day, why would you take the time to listen to quiet voices of unseen faith? If I can use my small platform to share the amazing things God does in my life, I will. This is probably dangerous to type, because He'll take me up on it, but here I am. God is welcome to work in me and I am going to share it. I pray that He always protects myself & my family, and grants us with safety,  hope and love - and I am excited to share our journeys with you.

Imperfections.
I don't want you to get the wrong message here: my family is not perfect. Including the in-laws, I've got four parents, three brothers, and two sisters. I've got a husband and a baby girl. There's grandparents, great-grand parents, aunts, uncles. There's plenty of love, a little division, and always room for restoration, healing and forgiveness. Much of that is not appropriate for a public domain.

But some is.

When it comes to me and my heart, and the journey my husband and I are taking, we're going to be real with you about the imperfections in our lives. We do not have it all together. Because this isn't a diary, it's not appropriate to use my blog as a place to rant about dirty socks on the floor. But where there is full healing and restoration, I will use my blog as a place to share our journeys of hope. Like how we are getting out of debt we should never have found in the first place. Or how we're turning unhealthy lifestyles into healthy ones. Mediocre recipes that sort-of worked. DIY extravaganzas you might want to try. Things like that.

So I hope you'll take this new road with me. It's the same blog but it's got a fresh look, a renewed vision, and a clarity and peace-of-mind in knowing the direction I want to take. As readers, I don't know if you'll see much of a difference, and that's okay. My heart is directed and my mind is focused and that's what it takes to write well.

As Ernest Hemingway so accurately said it,
"There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit at a typewriter and bleed".

Making a little apartment, a little bigger.

When John and I moved into our current apartment, we were astonished with how much space we had. A 2 bedroom apartment within steps of "downtown", with a dining room and living room? To past Torontonians such as ourselves, this was a dream come true.

But, once we started to move our stuff into this space, and our stuff grew into more stuff, our office requirements doubled, and our family of 2 became a family of 3, who now needed toys and cribs...

Well, this large space seemed much smaller. With buying currently out of the question, we needed to make do.

So over the last year, I think we've done a great job at maximizing our in-home space: we converted a dining room into an office & TV room, a living room into a play room & dining room, and managed to squeeeeze a King Size bed into a bedroom which, arguably, shouldn't host a King Size bed. Another time I'll post a home tour, but in the meantime, check out six simple ways we've made our little home seem a little bigger.

First, we tackled the kitchen.

By painting all of the shelving units & cupboards a bright white, and removing the doors anywhere possible, we created a more open and functional space which in turn made our home seem a little larger. Granted, we have very (very) little countertop space; and no, our cupboards don't have proper shelving units... but: it feels spacious. And that's half the battle in feeling organized.

Clear jars are used to display cooking and baking products and open the shelves up to feel slightly larger than they would if we had opted for dark or coloured containers.

In my kitchen I can move, I can breathe, I can organize.



We then hid the "necessary" clutter in our bookshelf.

Unsightly coin jars, cigar wrappers (ahem), and books we will one day... one day... read, all find their home in our bookshelf. Installing a shelving unit with a door is a great way to maximize and create space. Fortunately for us, this bookshelf came installed in our home. Originally it was painted black, so we brightened the room up by giving it a fresh white coat.

We emphasized the size of the room by facing a mirror to a window.

You can't see it in the above photo, but the large mirror above directly reflects our front windows. This helps to create a larger, brighter look to our living room / playroom / dining room and is a great way to save a little energy in the evening as we can keep the lights off that much longer. ("That much" = about 30 minutes.)

We took advantage of floating shelves (versus side tables).

 
Our room is small, so side-tables were out of the question. And, while we tried to push forward without them, (first world problems, am I right?) there's something sweet about my own bedside lamp and a small place to keep my treasures.

I've seen people successfully accomplish the book-stacking side table (my aunt in particular - you guys rocked that for a few years and it actually worked) but John & I couldn't pull it off. Imagine Naomi Klein's Shock Doctrine / Gabriel Garcia Marquez' One Hundred Years of Solitude as home to my teacup and bible. I'll keep all my pretentious literature on my bookshelf, thank-you-very-much.

Source 1 / Source 2 / Source 3

 (As an aside, here is what it would look like. Awesome, right? But I mean, look at the titles you need to have, to really make it work! What if someone asked you about one of these books? "Oh yeah, Oscar De La Renta", I would say. "Good dude.")

We make the most of our "outdoor space"

 We use the porch as though it were an extension of our kitchen because, well, it basically is. And that gives our space an added 10'x10' room for us to enjoy. It's a little noisy and dirty, but it's ours. Sort of. (That horrible floral set belongs to our neighbors but we'll take what we can get.)

We have begun to grow things.

  Inspired by my Aunt (this is what you get for reading my blog: shoutouts) we decided to start a herb garden and are loving how greenery really does add to a space. I'm not sure if it's the scent of basil or the fact that we're actually using a windowsill (which means, we've extended our space usage by 2 inches) but plant life makes a little home feel a little larger.

I found this website helpful for beginning my herb garden indoors.

There you have it.Six simple ways we made our little apartment, a little bigger. We are thankful for the space we have - and we are thankful that we can operate both a business and a family from our home - and are always looking for creative solutions to improve the life we live (in a cost-effective way).

Thanks for letting me free my inner-interior-designer. I promise she'll stay tucked away for another few months!

Spring Fresh-Up: Closets, Check

Quick Spring Fresh-Up(date): I have achieved a goal! All of the closets in the house are CLEAN! Clean, I tell ya! We scraped them right out. We created about 10 bags of stuff to sell - clothes, shoes, belts, toys - and now our closets feel bright and airy again.

If you're looking for some closet-cleaning steps, I found this how-to at The Homemakers Post very helpful. I love the point about completely airing it out, and will be doing this after the Bedroom Deco is finished (there's no point in airing it out before painting it!)

Our biggest struggle was the shoe closet. 


Although I didn't realize it, I'm kind of a shoe-hoarder. I have a shoe for every occasion, and embarassingly, none of them are super cute - they're all super practical.

Our utility closet is narrow, so there's no room for a shoe rack or a shoe shelf or a shoe anything. So John and I devised a less-than-glamorous plan to have the shoes easily accessible: nails!

Get a load of that wallpaper. Oh, the perks of living in a 150-year-old house: 70's wallpaper sticks around... forever. 

I hope that encourages you! It's not too late to make your own spring resolutions - hey, it's not even officially spring yet.

Now I'm going to go stare at how awesomely clean my closets are.

'Cause that's what I do.

Spring Fresh Up: To-Do Before the Warm

Many people find that the new year is their time to make resolutions. That's great. Mine's Spring.

Here are the things I just gotta do before the warm hits our home:

1 Scrape the closets. Clear out all the junk that's been collecting since summer '12: the clothes I'll never wear, the toys we'll never play with, and of course the dust that's found its home.

2 Bedroom deco. In October John and I bought some gray paint & purple decorations for our bedroom. They've been sitting patiently in our closet until we find the time to actually paint our room. That's a'comin.

3 Write more, creatively. I've lost touch with my creative writing side. Did you know that I used to love poetry? Ok, sure, who doesn't, but I mean love. Let me clear that up: I dabbled in spoken word. At coffee shops. You should've seen me. It was really lame. But I'd love to do a toned-down version of that once again.

4 Connect more. Get better at Twitter. Engage readers. Grow my blog.

5 Keep schedule. Lately I've been hearing complaints from the peanut gallery (that is, the only man in the office) that I'm spending a little too much time behind the screen. (See point, Find Balance). I need to create a schedule and stick to it. Or, as I read yesterday in an ever-inspiring blog, let "little happen on purpose". Schedule days off, time off, days on, time on, blog time, work time, writing time, editing time, cleaning time, cooking time, and of course, playtime.

6  Sell old things. My knee-jerk reaction when I have something to get rid of is to dump it at Goodwill, so they can make money off of it. Of course that's a good approach for charity but it's a bad approach for getting out of debt. I need to use the glorious resource of Kijiji and garage sales to get rid of my junk.

7  Find balance. I recently had the realization that every day, I wonder what aspect I'm going to "fail" in. I'm being open here, ok, so no judging. I'm sharing my heart. I wonder whether I'm going to "fail" my business today, "fail" my daughter today, "fail" my cleaning today, "fail" my marriage today - as though I can only handle one of those things at a time. What a lie, am I right? I can do these things with God's help! With balance! I'm a work-from-home mom who lately is working a lot and The Caterpillar is moving a lot and John is busy a lot and I have to find balance. I just have to.

8  Find childcare. I'm humbling myself, see note 7, and realizing that I can't do work-from-home and stay-at-home-mom simultaneously, all the time. I'm going to find a solution to childcare 1 or 2 times a week - whether this means bringing a nanny in to play with The Caterpillar while John and I work, or whether this means taking her to a daycare... we'll find out.

How are your life goals going? Do you have any goals for Spring 2013?

Influence Network Linkup: Meet Sam. Hello!

Today I'm linking up with the Influence Network as a way of introducing myself to the IN community and meeting other awesome IN members. Find out more about the Influence Network at www.theinfluencenetwork.com, or meet the other members at the linkup post today!

Hello! I'm Samantha. In real life I go by Sam, but on paper that looks like a boy's name. So Samantha it is.

I'm excited to be a part of the Influence Network and have learned so much and met some really awesome people (thanks, twitter) via IN.

There we are!

3 things about me [that you can't figure out from my sidebar]:

1. I am a self-employed mom who works from home. Thankfully I do it with my hubby by my side. This means that I have a lot of juggling to do, balancing, and learning. If YOU are a mom who works from home, I would really love to be in touch with you because I think we're in a unique community & have a unique way of life. I may or may not nurse my child while I respond to emails. Envelopes may or may not get folded in the middle of the living room floor surrounded by toys. I'd go with MAY.

2. I love to get involved. If I see an opportunity to get my hands messy, I will take it. Right now I have dreams of kids ministry, and a bible study about money/love, and I meet with women once a week to do life-talking-stuff. Fortunately I've learned from reading Naptime Diaries that there are ways to be an involved person without being a yes person. See? Blogging rules. Whaaat.

3. My husband & I are committed to becoming debt-free. Even "healthy debt". Student debt. All debt.  We're going to be "Gazelle Intense" for the next little while so when our entertainment fund is maxed, don't be offended that we won't be coming out for drinks.

One thing I learned through the Influence Network:

When God tells us to do something, he makes a way for it to happen.


You can find me all across the interweb, but you won't find me at the conference. I live too far away. Canada, eh?

Influence Network @samanthalisa

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DIY Chalkboard Art Tracing

If, like me, you consider "tracing" an art form, you're in luck.

Here's a quick how-to chalkboard art DIY. What I love about this is a) it's handmade, b) it's free and c) you can change up the artwork/text in your home on a regular basis. Love it.

1. Create your art in Microsoft Word, Photoshop or Picasa using text and graphics. I used free text from DaFont: Bergamot, HandyGeorge, SF Covington, Pacifico, and Rosewood Std.

A sample of the image I used.

2. Rub chalk all over the back of your image.

Rub chalk on the back of your image.

My image was on the other side of this piece of scrap paper. Rub chalk anywhere there might be a graphic, so that when you transfer your graphic, everything shows up.

3. Trace the image with a pen by drawing over the graphic. Press hard. You're not drawing onto the chalkboard directly; you're drawing onto your piece of paper. The chalk that you rubbed onto the paper will be lightly transferred onto your chalkboard as you press down. Be careful not to rub your hand/arm over other parts of the image, or else you'll get a big ol' smudge.

This is what the freshly traced image should look like.

4. Fill in the images & draw solid lines. Once all of your graphic is traced onto the whiteboard, fill it in and draw solid lines to reinforce the graphic. Again you're just tracing. Simple!

Voila. Enjoy!

2013: Finding Success by Not Overdoing It.

This morning I was sitting in my office, trying to get some writing work done, and facing a spell of Writer's Block.

So, turning to mindless activity to get my brain working, I tweeted. Hashtag writer's block. Topically and conveniently, Seth Godin was writing about the same issue today. Godin released a short and sweet post, "Writer's Block and the Drip: Why Do We Get Stuck?"

Godin's suggestion for conquering every writer's internal nemesis? Avoid writer's block by lowering the stakes of what you write. If you write more (higher quantity), your words will mean less (lower quality), therefore you won't run into the issue of writer's block.

It is this very suggestion that infuriates me.

The idea that if you write more content for the public to read, you'll have more winners, is total nonsense. It's equivalent to saying, "take 1000 pictures; 10 might be good". Through that logic, everyone becomes a professional photographer.

I'm not saying that writing - or photography, or painting, or any other art form - should be exclusivist or elitist, that only a few can truly master it. Everyone should of course have their shot and give it their best and (most importantly) enjoy art for art. However, to suggest that "building a popular blog" comes from pumping out content like you're a machine - some good, but most less than mediocre - is hammering into our online culture that it's okay to have an excess of (sorry for this) shit.

In 2012, I have seen far too many reproductions of the same garbage; some are hitting the mark, some are not, but let's face it, most people are simply copying what the other has worked hard to do. I fear that my daughter is going to grow up in a culture where having ten thousand photos from one calendar year is acceptable. Where blogging daily about anything your mind can conjure is entirely acceptable. Where instead of setting goals and making lists of priorities, one Pins - hundreds and hundreds of Pins - about things they'd like to do, when they're done Pinning, and once they run to Wal Mart to buy craft supplies, and learn to sew/knit/crochet/write calligraphy.

Don't get me wrong, I am one of these overdoers, too. But let's get something straight: the secret to creating a good anything - a blog, a set of images, paintings, even a fashion line - is not by pumping it out mechanically. It's by thinking. The blogs I follow and love consider what they write before they write it. Heck, one blogger I know  writes her posts often weeks or months in advance and each one has a point: a craft or a life lesson or a something-more-than-just-a-thought-that-popped-into-her-head. That's what makes it GOOD. My husband (a photographer) manages to create some great images, not by taking thousands, but by executing the shot with precision and consideration.

This 2013, let's not settle for overdoing it simply to see a few happy accidents. Let's attempt for success: when we achieve it, we'll have cause to celebrate. When we don't achieve it, we'll be able to evaluate what went wrong. What's so happy about a happy accident?

The Christmas Eve Post & Decor Tour!

It's Christmas eve! Likely the most festive day of the year for our family: the stockings are hung, the tree hearth holds a bounty of gifts, and there are cookies to be made.

I think the most important thing about Christmas is the anticipation of it. The "day" of Christmas is of course fun and joyful, but it's the anticipation for the 25 days prior-to which grabs the hearts and imagination of children and children at heart.

This year we have already conquered two family Christmas celebrations and have two to go. We have chosen to spend Christmas day quietly in the comfort of our own home, just the 3 of us, and cook up some homemade Indian food to celebrate.

To you & yours, happy Christmas eve!

If you do nothing else this Christmas eve, I encourage you to read the account of the birth of Jesus straight from the Gospel of Luke. You don't need to be a Christian to pay homage to the fact that Christmas comes with a reason. It began somewhere.

One day left!

 

Christmas garland made with the Christmas edition of Canadian Living - I read it, loved it & upcycled it!

We're feeling festive. The movie Elf inspired a snowflake party for 1! (Me.)