TV, Marriage & Boom Brian

Marriage can be hard, amen? It can also be beautiful and awesome, but hard. I've talked before about how two people are smushed together and expected to "make it work". Make the adventure work. Figure it out. You can read more about that here.

Throughout human history, us humans have had training grounds to practice & grow our relationships. We grew up around babies, so we knew how to hold them, care for them. We shared our communities with sisters, brothers, uncles, aunts, friends. We had group dinners. Jewish traditions (and therefore Christian traditions) have a lot to say about that.

Today we're living lives a lot more isolated. We have the community of the internet, and that can be great, but we don't tend to hear our neighbours arguing next door, or help the woman down the street with the screaming baby while she bathes her other kids, or prepare a three-part meal using six hands - that kind of community. And while strong efforts are being made by churches and city development groups, our culture pretty much gets its cues from the media. I don't think this is any kind of new notion and I don't want this to read like a grade seven essay about Influence but let's talk for a second about the media & marriage.

Television/film is (unfortunately) a bit of a training ground for real life: we watch people live, expect that the way they live is the way we should live, and buy commodities or incorporate practices which emulate our favourite characters. I'm not going to say I didn't get bangs because I may or may not have been inspired by a Z. Deschanel. I'm not going to say I won't say so. Also, she pulls them off a little better.

Moving on. Let's talk a little bit about marriages in the media and dispel a few myths that have been a pain in my ass lately.

When the going gets tough, Boom Brian is here to help.

Your husband's not here for you. So I'll step in. What.

In the latest episodes of The Office, Jim Halpert has been a bit of a work-obsessed dink. "I'm doing this for you!" he fibs. (No Jim, you're doing it for you, and you're pretending that you're doing it for your family.)

Pam & Jim fight, and who is there to help? Boom Brian. Hi, Boom Brian. Boom Brian has a bit of an Adam Levigne look going on and like every Maroon 5 fan knows, no wholesome intentions.

As a viewer it's simple to think,

"Well Jim-bo, this is your fault. If you don't treat Pam well, someone else will / should"

Boom Brian is in love with Pam. Welp, you're cut.

And that's a pretty common understanding in the media - a feeling writers love to incite in their audience:

If husband/wife X is not giving husband/wife Y the attention s/he deserves, someone else will.

So Mrs. Sally at home, watching The Office, gets this idea in her head that she feels a little neglected. Her own version of Jim has been, I don't know, slacking on dishes duty lately. Forgetting to bring her flowers. Coming home late. So Sally imagines: who's the Boom Brian in her life? (Don't think too hard on this one, ladies. You don't need a Boom Brian in your life.)

Not an Office fan? Okay, let's quickly examine a few other scenarios in media where we side with the "other woman/man".

Don Draper, Wife Hater. 

Nobody would bat an eye if she picked the undead one.

Her actual fiance wouldn't do this, would he?

"I'm a bird!"
No you're not.
You're just in a committed relationship with another man.

Bridges of Matrrimonial Ruin.


You've Got Commitment Issues

I could literally go on for days.

The issue here is that popular culture makes it okay to move on from a relationship we're committed to, if the "other man/woman" is good enough. There doesn't even need to be a real problem with our current relationship if the other prospect is more exciting or beautiful.

Boom Brian, you have me upset.

I want to shed a little truth into this mess:

Unless your relationship finds you abused or mistreated (and I'm not talking about a presence of dishes in the sink), and you are married or committed, you gotta work it out. Because it's worth it.

Because the grass is not greener on the other side, and everybody has their issues, and marriage is worth it. I'd love to have a call to action for media which demonstrates how "worth it" marriage truly is. Your relationship is still worth fighting for, even if the romantic dating stages are through (and who says you can't have romance in marriage? Sheesh y'all.)

I'm uncomfortable because I wonder how much of this sinks into our minds and encourages women to ponder "other options". Don't waste your time. I once heard Bruxy Cavey suggest that if we put all of our energies into focusing on our marital relationship, and no other cross-gender relationship which could get us into trouble, we'd have happier marriages. That makes sense. It's basic.

So in contrast to the garbage we have been pushed to consider, I want to offer a few simple suggestions for improving the good marriage you already have, instead of turning to Boom Brian for support. 

1. Pray for your spouse.

2. Figure out their love language, and then act on it. I would tell you to "write notes" or "offer compliments" or "give hugs", but your best bet is to find out how they receive love and then give it in that method.

3. Sever off the idea in your heart that a Boom Brian or any other source of attention will fulfill you because sister, it won't. Jesus will. 

So Boom Brian,