On feeling lost.

I feel like I've been dropped into the middle of a story.  No compass, no map, no understanding of my role. It's not the typical thing you see young women blogging about - it's a little less exciting than design ideas, or baby names, but this is my way of asking where I am.

Actually, I feel like I've been asking that question for months now. I've been lacking a real sense of home and it's exhausting me. No place feels just right. I covet those who know where they are.

Pauline Baynes' depiction of the Wood Between the Worlds

I'm stuck in the Wood Between the Worlds, in an uneasy calm where I could simply fall asleep and hope things work themselves out - but with the knowledge that this wouldn't be the best choice for me, for now. (Please read Narnia!)

My husband and I move into our new home (which we can hopefully make our nest) in one week from today, and I'm stuck in a mix of excitement and nerves. We have made mistakes before - I'm tired of fielding questions of why we've moved so much (it's not my cup of tea) - and I want to know we're in the right place.

We are in a period of intense change, joy, and growth which I am more than thankful for - but it would be nice to have the dust settle, just for a little while. I am trying to enjoy every second, but I feel the desire to have a home to hang my hat for good. I have never believed that the grass is greener on the other side, I still don't. I just need to nest a little.

Thanks to Emily @ Our Nest In the City for her encouraging post "Home... For Now" and in sharing these thoughts:

"I used to think I wouldn't have a "real nest" until it was mine. Owned by us. But now as we start packing up our home for the first 3 years, I see that this has always been a nest. Our first home as a married couple. Lily's first home as our daughter. Where we learned to be married and to be parents. It was a rental, but that doesn't matter, and it never changed anything. It is our home and our nest, until we get our 2nd one in September."

"If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world." - CS Lewis