Last night my 1 year old was up from 1 AM to 3 AM, and so was her oldest sister who was completely distressed by our baby girl's screams, #whitenoisemachinefail. She's fine, she's not sick as far as we know, she's just got this idea that she doesn't want to sleep because whatever. Some strong independent woman feminist thing she got from somewhere.
While this was going on, John and I were working feverishly on a project that is way out of our scope, interrupting each other with something along the lines of "what the hell were we thinking?" every three to five minutes. We were working at night because there isn't a chance in the world that both of our brains can fire at the same time during the day, and we had a deadline, like actual grownups or something.
Once 6 AM rolled around, the 1 year old was up again with a fury, and John let me sleep in till the ripe old time of 7:45 AM for which I am eternally grateful - sounds like sarcasm, but I'm serious. Prayer hands emojis, praise hands emojis.
Morning rush, realize we forgot to read the assigned book for our daughter's kindergarten class, read it, mark it as a "smiley face" on her track sheet, rifle through the recycling pile to get "craft supplies" as per teacher's request (okay I did that in Saturday and in full sight of multiple neighbours, so high five), realize we don't have bread for a sandwich, decide that "snack lunch" is lunch enough, one takes child to school, other throws on Netflix for littles in an attempt to shower, let baby rifle through boxes in the bathroom cupboards in an attempt to shower, and put on shoes to go play in the backyard.
Coffee.
Post-morning rush, suddenly 1 year old realizes she's exhausted, attempt to nap, scream for an hour. Decide to stuff 1 year old with copious amounts of food in the hopes that she falls asleep in her high chair like her older sister did one time. Give three year old a bottle of chocolate milk that has an expiry date 3 months from now, which come on, let's not call that "milk". Continue feeding, baby continue yelling, realize complete failure to be the Blog / Instagram / Pinterest worthy mom that somehow is out there and somehow has all this under control and is also baking muffins that are GFDFSFTF (those are real things guys). Laugh 'cause Bunmi Laditan, Queen of "you suck but it's cool cuz me too" isn't making me feel better either just because she gave her kids pop tarts this morning and whatever other antics she's up to not doing today. Funny and real, but probably not #lifegoals either.
I stopped blogging because I am struggling to pull it together. Happily, wearily - okay happily-sometimes - wiping ketchup and banana off of stuff and reminding myself to eat vegetables and lose the 25 lbs I gained since having my last child. Oh and keep the business looking fly because it's all about Instagram these days and the being not just a talented but also a cool photographer, I think.
I stopped blogging because I don't want anyone to think I suddenly whipped into shape, or that is, maintained my whipped-in shape image that I was able to curate when I only had 1 kid who is the Type A personality poster child that prides herself on being generally tidy and obedient. It's not that I began feeling insufficient as a mom necessarily, but I resolved to stop listening in to or looking onto what other moms portrayed as their whipped-in-shape image. Sure, I still follow Emily Morrice because she took an active Christian leadership role in my life - my real life - for a formative period of time, plus her blog is beautiful and awesome and sincere. (I didn't not design it.) But otherwise, I had to plug my ears and yell NANANANANA so I didn't hear or see what other moms were doing because inadequacy would so quickly creep in. And if I blog, aren't I adding to that whisper of inadequacy in other moms' ears? (Not to say that's true, but it's how I felt for a while).
I stopped blogging because I'm "breathing underwater" for a little while (as one of my favourite authors calls it), and I actually don't have time. As I type this I've had one interruption to get more food (obv), wipe a face, remove a shirt, find a book, and break up a conflict fry up sweet potato which I did burn btw, but only a little.
I stopped blogging because I actually like my kids and I don't want to accidentally spill some beans on them to the public. As you might have read earlier, we want to homeschool them - whether or not that can truly be a practicality based on our 2-person-operations business is something we have yet to discover or surrender completely. In January we popped Lilian into regular public school because we couldn't honour her well and organize our time effectively, and she deserves the best, and we couldn't give that to her in that time. Maybe one day soon we'll sort it out. I think my kids are funny. I also think they're sometimes annoying, and they are certainly far from obedient, but they're learning, resolved sin after resolved sin, to change - a little like their mama and daddy who aren't the same people as when this journey began.
I'm not resolved to stop blogging forever, but I have felt it on my mind and heart to write about why I stopped in the first place. I blogged before blogging was a popular method of parenting-storytelling (yeah that's right I did) and I garnered an actual audience by sort-of accident, and I get asked often why I haven't kept it up. People want to know why the story just sort of stopped before we went to Nicaragua. Well, that's why. It's not the end of the story, but it's a fits-and-starts telling of it because John and I are holding it together some days, and some days we're not, and we don't like telling partial stories.
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Monday, May 8, 2017
Monday, March 27, 2017
This is my pile of rocks.
We have a friend that has helped us move three times in the last two years. Three times, two years.
I haven't had a home that I've ever spent more than two Christmases in (my mom's home hasn't changed but I spent half my high school years with her and half with my Dad, who hopped around like a bunny). It's about as hard as it sounds; when it comes to home, I keep my roots shallow because I expect them to be that way.
When we moved to our town of Alliston three years ago, it was like that. We moved there because it made financial sense; we were sharing a home with my Dad so we could pay off debt so we could start saving for a downpayment. If you know me, you know that fell apart within four calendar weeks (see above RE bunny hopping), and John and I spent hours staring at maps of the world wondering where it was exactly that we fit in.
John zoomed in and out of Google Maps; satellite view, street view, satellite view, street view. "I feel like I don't belong anywhere" are the words he used. We began chatting with a friend that lived in Nicaragua and decided that we'd travel there in the November following (over a year away - once our then-in-utero baby was old enough to get vaccinated). It seemed right and flowed naturally and hey, maybe that's where we belonged.
When Alliston fell apart with my Dad, we decided to move to Burlington because it was the only place that made a little bit of sense; we're wedding photographers and Burlington has... people? But we needed a little advice from a Pastor, and the church we had attended a whopping twice had one of those, so we asked for some guidance.
"This isn't necessarily 'thus saith the Lord'", he said, "but I think you should stay here. Actually, I have a place you might be able to rent. My cousin is looking for a tenant." (Dutch families, oy.) Then he said this: "I think the next season of your life will be like building a monument. Something you will always look back on." and he left and we cross-sectioned his prophetic word with what the Bible had to say and we found this:
"We will use these stones to build a memorial. In the future your children will ask you, ‘What do these stones mean?’ Then you can tell them, ‘They remind us that the Jordan River stopped flowing when the Ark of the Lord’s Covenant went across.’ These stones will stand as a memorial among the people of Israel forever.”" Joshua 4.6-7
I'm not putting us on par with people who carried the Ark of the Covenant, that is ridiculous and no. But the stones were for remembering how the Lord provided and the things that He did in a time where the Israelites were at a crossroads. The Jordan Crossing was significant because it confirmed God's presence with His people and was a fulfillment of His promises. And they built stones to remember it.
And that was going to be our time in Alliston.
So as you might know, the Pastor's Cousin's apartment worked well for us, and then it caught on fire, and then we claimed insurance and got out of debt. It sounds like arson, I know. I swear to you it wasn't because we don't know how to use an electrical panel let alone break into our upstairs' neighbour's apartment and make it explode. Huge story about that over here, I'll just skim now. We went to Nicaragua and it was lonely save for our weekly Skype calls with friends, until our buddies visited (which they did!).
Because of the loneliness and the fact that we kept asking WHY ARE WE HERE AGAIN? John decided to dive into reading like he was on a sabbatical; he read a series of books and listened to podcasts on how to grow a church & ministry that is relevant to the context of your unique community, something I should clarify we have no plans to do, we just built an interest in a big way. If any of this sounds interesting to you, it did to me too and I blogged about it so just scroll on back.
When we moved back to Alliston after Nicaragua, John had a stint working at our church's coffee shop. I guess we all assumed that now because he had a serious interest in the meaning of good ministry that he was meant to be in ministry right away, but we were wrong and it wasn't a good fit for our family - with one business and two kids and one on the way (we had 3 pregnancies + 1 miscarriage in 4 years and lemme tell you, that's a lot of work), we both got burned out beyond exhaustion and I struggled through a long season of anxiety and depression and we all learned that when something isn't working, stop doing that thing sooner than later. You might notice this is approximately when I stopped blogging pretty well for good. We sought guidance and counsel and decided to put our all into New Vintage Media, together, and put a stop payment on the ministry work that was burning us out.
Our landlord at our next home in Alliston was awesome, and we made a 3-5 year plan to essentially rent the house until we could buy a home, because Alliston is super affordable, right? The plan also fell apart as quickly as it was made because our Landlord informed us he'd be selling the home about two weeks before wedding season went in full swing - after ten months of living in it - and coincidentally, local house prices skyrocketed by about $200 000 in that 10 months (they have since gone up, too). So we had two weeks to move and it was time to find a home and keep renting.
By now I was completely exhausted of being uprooted and had more confirmation that it's okay for roots to stay shallow, but I spent many hours and tears wondering if I could live the rest of my life with shallow roots and why my family would be forced to do the same.
God provided and of course he did; on an afternoon walk, before we were informed we'd be moving, I saw a house with a cardboard For Rent sign chicken-scratched together and a phone number. It was a-beautiful and I wanted to live in it. I took a picture, realized I was being crazy discontent because we had a home for the next 2-4 years we were already living in, deleted the photo, and asked for contentedness. When the news came that we'd have to find a home stat, you can bet we took a walk back to that house with the chicken scratch sign, called the Landlord and moved in a week later.
The moment we moved our belongings in to the home, there was this feeling between John and I that this house, too, wouldn't be for the long haul. And that defeated me, I'll be honest. A knowing in our guts that the home wasn't forever - or even for a while - and our Landlords knew that, too; they even told us that they felt like we would buy a house after we lived here, and he didn't know how, but it would happen. (I should clarify that it didn't, and that's okay because we can't live floating on words like that.)
Because we had spent the last year focusing solely on our business, it grew pretty quickly and we didn't know how to pace ourselves and I spent another summer overworking, completely exhausted, and landed up with mono (yes, mono, and no I didn't kiss any teenage boys) and a resolution that we would grow but had to figure out what growing meant without losing our minds. #Selfemployment amiright? And sure enough, by November - a short five months after moving into this house - we knew it was time to go.
However, this unsettled feeling made it clear to us that it was time to leave; as in, the time in Alliston was coming to a close, and we began telling our friends and family and bouncing the idea off of them of what our next season in life would look like. Not immediately, but by the spring or summer.
You can imagine that we wanted to make our leaving a home-owning move; after not living in one house for more than two years, I desperately desired to have a downpayment and a mortgage, and we even began a new business venture to help with saving for a downpayment. But because of our self-employed status and because of our financial beliefs and because of the fact that we are back in debt because that's life sometimes and we are still learning how to be adults, that downpayment is not happening anytime soon. Houses in Alliston are $500 000 or more (they changed from affordable to not-affordable in a very short amount of time), and a 20% downpayment on $500 000 is like a pipe dream. It also sounds kind of unwise for us.
We looked into Niagara because we can afford to purchase a home in Niagara; we looked around Niagara. We spent hours on MLS and even went out for breakfast with Niagara friends to see what the community was like for young families (great, by the way, Niagara sounds wonderful).
Unfortunately we then realized that our business that we've built isn't in Niagara, and our hearts aren't either.
The next part of our journey happened relatively quickly and got us to where we are now. We decided that if we couldn't afford to own in an area we want to live and where our business lies, we should keep renting, but this time give ourselves the permission to lay our roots down deep and cross our fingers that our next home would last maybe a little longer than a year (oh please, please, please more than a year?)
So where did we want to lie our roots down deep? Where did we want to be for the long-haul? For fun. For complete fun. Where do we like going? Where is our favourite place to be? What food do we like to eat? What activities do we like to do? What is working and what isn't? Homeschooling wasn't. Let's quit that; we did it for the betterment of our family so let's stop for the betterment of our family. Commuting to the city three times a week at 1.5 hrs a trip wasn't working, either. Maybe commuting needed to stop.
On January 25 I went to spend some time with a friend that lives in Toronto and my heart got a little set on family life in the city. John separately went for coffee, and got his heart set on the city, too.
Here's what he wrote in his notebook:
Toronto means building community,
Toronto means building connections
Toronto means building a lifestyle.
One day, we can own a cottage in the middle of nowhere, but at least or now, buying would be irresponsible for us.
Here's what I wrote in his notebook:
'There is a place for you here.'
If I could choose any place in Toronto, it would be
Bright & inspired
Close to transit
Have a parking spot
Be a full house ideally, but a condo is okay
Be in a safe, good school zone
Be near a place we can take the kids or ourselves outdoors
Give a sense of freedom
Be in a family-oriented neighbourhood where we can make friends for us and the kids.
We both made a list of 10 things in our lives that were working and 10 things in our lives that weren't and we realized that all of our commuting to the city for work, for fun, for play, for creative gain, was time we would rather be spending with our family, especially if we weren't going to homeschool. We realized we like Toronto, a lot, and maybe we could grow the courage to try and raise a family in the city. We'd lived there before and we knew the area we would live in if we ever could again. And we began to look.
Renting in Toronto is like buying in Toronto; it's a system based on striving and proving and having more, and we wanted none of it. Striving was not going to be for us. If the right home was there, it wouldn't pass us by, and with as smooth a transition as I could possibly imagine we found the right rental home in the right time that sits well with our beliefs in space and life. And that wishlist above? I can't even. I CAN'T EVEN. Except for the parking spot part which we do not have, you just wait for pictures, k?
So now we are leaving and now we look back.
I don't know how to build a monument except by writing about one. Look at all those ways God provided! Isn't He cool? Consider this post my pile of rocks.
What just happened in the last few years? I honestly do not know. I don't know the significance of this pile of rocks; a lot of anxiety, a lot of lessons, a lot of digging in to things that led to deep well waters and other things that were more like broken pipes under the ground. Two more babies, three in our arms right now and that's amazing. A safe space to go learn how to be parents sort-of (ignore that 21 year old blogger that had a baby & a home birth & an intent to breastfeed until her earth children went to university, she didn't know what she thought she knew), to learn a new pace, to get some tools for our tool belt of life. To gain friends we intend to drink wine with when we all have white hair. Maybe a launching ground for a way of living that we would never have had if it weren't for this little potato-making town. Maybe we'll find out one day. Maybe we won't. But a pile of rocks is here indeed.
I haven't had a home that I've ever spent more than two Christmases in (my mom's home hasn't changed but I spent half my high school years with her and half with my Dad, who hopped around like a bunny). It's about as hard as it sounds; when it comes to home, I keep my roots shallow because I expect them to be that way.
When we moved to our town of Alliston three years ago, it was like that. We moved there because it made financial sense; we were sharing a home with my Dad so we could pay off debt so we could start saving for a downpayment. If you know me, you know that fell apart within four calendar weeks (see above RE bunny hopping), and John and I spent hours staring at maps of the world wondering where it was exactly that we fit in.
John zoomed in and out of Google Maps; satellite view, street view, satellite view, street view. "I feel like I don't belong anywhere" are the words he used. We began chatting with a friend that lived in Nicaragua and decided that we'd travel there in the November following (over a year away - once our then-in-utero baby was old enough to get vaccinated). It seemed right and flowed naturally and hey, maybe that's where we belonged.
When Alliston fell apart with my Dad, we decided to move to Burlington because it was the only place that made a little bit of sense; we're wedding photographers and Burlington has... people? But we needed a little advice from a Pastor, and the church we had attended a whopping twice had one of those, so we asked for some guidance.
"This isn't necessarily 'thus saith the Lord'", he said, "but I think you should stay here. Actually, I have a place you might be able to rent. My cousin is looking for a tenant." (Dutch families, oy.) Then he said this: "I think the next season of your life will be like building a monument. Something you will always look back on." and he left and we cross-sectioned his prophetic word with what the Bible had to say and we found this:
"We will use these stones to build a memorial. In the future your children will ask you, ‘What do these stones mean?’ Then you can tell them, ‘They remind us that the Jordan River stopped flowing when the Ark of the Lord’s Covenant went across.’ These stones will stand as a memorial among the people of Israel forever.”" Joshua 4.6-7
I'm not putting us on par with people who carried the Ark of the Covenant, that is ridiculous and no. But the stones were for remembering how the Lord provided and the things that He did in a time where the Israelites were at a crossroads. The Jordan Crossing was significant because it confirmed God's presence with His people and was a fulfillment of His promises. And they built stones to remember it.
And that was going to be our time in Alliston.
So as you might know, the Pastor's Cousin's apartment worked well for us, and then it caught on fire, and then we claimed insurance and got out of debt. It sounds like arson, I know. I swear to you it wasn't because we don't know how to use an electrical panel let alone break into our upstairs' neighbour's apartment and make it explode. Huge story about that over here, I'll just skim now. We went to Nicaragua and it was lonely save for our weekly Skype calls with friends, until our buddies visited (which they did!).
Because of the loneliness and the fact that we kept asking WHY ARE WE HERE AGAIN? John decided to dive into reading like he was on a sabbatical; he read a series of books and listened to podcasts on how to grow a church & ministry that is relevant to the context of your unique community, something I should clarify we have no plans to do, we just built an interest in a big way. If any of this sounds interesting to you, it did to me too and I blogged about it so just scroll on back.
When we moved back to Alliston after Nicaragua, John had a stint working at our church's coffee shop. I guess we all assumed that now because he had a serious interest in the meaning of good ministry that he was meant to be in ministry right away, but we were wrong and it wasn't a good fit for our family - with one business and two kids and one on the way (we had 3 pregnancies + 1 miscarriage in 4 years and lemme tell you, that's a lot of work), we both got burned out beyond exhaustion and I struggled through a long season of anxiety and depression and we all learned that when something isn't working, stop doing that thing sooner than later. You might notice this is approximately when I stopped blogging pretty well for good. We sought guidance and counsel and decided to put our all into New Vintage Media, together, and put a stop payment on the ministry work that was burning us out.
Our landlord at our next home in Alliston was awesome, and we made a 3-5 year plan to essentially rent the house until we could buy a home, because Alliston is super affordable, right? The plan also fell apart as quickly as it was made because our Landlord informed us he'd be selling the home about two weeks before wedding season went in full swing - after ten months of living in it - and coincidentally, local house prices skyrocketed by about $200 000 in that 10 months (they have since gone up, too). So we had two weeks to move and it was time to find a home and keep renting.
By now I was completely exhausted of being uprooted and had more confirmation that it's okay for roots to stay shallow, but I spent many hours and tears wondering if I could live the rest of my life with shallow roots and why my family would be forced to do the same.
God provided and of course he did; on an afternoon walk, before we were informed we'd be moving, I saw a house with a cardboard For Rent sign chicken-scratched together and a phone number. It was a-beautiful and I wanted to live in it. I took a picture, realized I was being crazy discontent because we had a home for the next 2-4 years we were already living in, deleted the photo, and asked for contentedness. When the news came that we'd have to find a home stat, you can bet we took a walk back to that house with the chicken scratch sign, called the Landlord and moved in a week later.
The moment we moved our belongings in to the home, there was this feeling between John and I that this house, too, wouldn't be for the long haul. And that defeated me, I'll be honest. A knowing in our guts that the home wasn't forever - or even for a while - and our Landlords knew that, too; they even told us that they felt like we would buy a house after we lived here, and he didn't know how, but it would happen. (I should clarify that it didn't, and that's okay because we can't live floating on words like that.)
Because we had spent the last year focusing solely on our business, it grew pretty quickly and we didn't know how to pace ourselves and I spent another summer overworking, completely exhausted, and landed up with mono (yes, mono, and no I didn't kiss any teenage boys) and a resolution that we would grow but had to figure out what growing meant without losing our minds. #Selfemployment amiright? And sure enough, by November - a short five months after moving into this house - we knew it was time to go.
However, this unsettled feeling made it clear to us that it was time to leave; as in, the time in Alliston was coming to a close, and we began telling our friends and family and bouncing the idea off of them of what our next season in life would look like. Not immediately, but by the spring or summer.
You can imagine that we wanted to make our leaving a home-owning move; after not living in one house for more than two years, I desperately desired to have a downpayment and a mortgage, and we even began a new business venture to help with saving for a downpayment. But because of our self-employed status and because of our financial beliefs and because of the fact that we are back in debt because that's life sometimes and we are still learning how to be adults, that downpayment is not happening anytime soon. Houses in Alliston are $500 000 or more (they changed from affordable to not-affordable in a very short amount of time), and a 20% downpayment on $500 000 is like a pipe dream. It also sounds kind of unwise for us.
We looked into Niagara because we can afford to purchase a home in Niagara; we looked around Niagara. We spent hours on MLS and even went out for breakfast with Niagara friends to see what the community was like for young families (great, by the way, Niagara sounds wonderful).
Unfortunately we then realized that our business that we've built isn't in Niagara, and our hearts aren't either.
The next part of our journey happened relatively quickly and got us to where we are now. We decided that if we couldn't afford to own in an area we want to live and where our business lies, we should keep renting, but this time give ourselves the permission to lay our roots down deep and cross our fingers that our next home would last maybe a little longer than a year (oh please, please, please more than a year?)
So where did we want to lie our roots down deep? Where did we want to be for the long-haul? For fun. For complete fun. Where do we like going? Where is our favourite place to be? What food do we like to eat? What activities do we like to do? What is working and what isn't? Homeschooling wasn't. Let's quit that; we did it for the betterment of our family so let's stop for the betterment of our family. Commuting to the city three times a week at 1.5 hrs a trip wasn't working, either. Maybe commuting needed to stop.
On January 25 I went to spend some time with a friend that lives in Toronto and my heart got a little set on family life in the city. John separately went for coffee, and got his heart set on the city, too.
Here's what he wrote in his notebook:
Toronto means building community,
Toronto means building connections
Toronto means building a lifestyle.
One day, we can own a cottage in the middle of nowhere, but at least or now, buying would be irresponsible for us.
Here's what I wrote in his notebook:
'There is a place for you here.'
If I could choose any place in Toronto, it would be
Bright & inspired
Close to transit
Have a parking spot
Be a full house ideally, but a condo is okay
Be in a safe, good school zone
Be near a place we can take the kids or ourselves outdoors
Give a sense of freedom
Be in a family-oriented neighbourhood where we can make friends for us and the kids.
We both made a list of 10 things in our lives that were working and 10 things in our lives that weren't and we realized that all of our commuting to the city for work, for fun, for play, for creative gain, was time we would rather be spending with our family, especially if we weren't going to homeschool. We realized we like Toronto, a lot, and maybe we could grow the courage to try and raise a family in the city. We'd lived there before and we knew the area we would live in if we ever could again. And we began to look.
Renting in Toronto is like buying in Toronto; it's a system based on striving and proving and having more, and we wanted none of it. Striving was not going to be for us. If the right home was there, it wouldn't pass us by, and with as smooth a transition as I could possibly imagine we found the right rental home in the right time that sits well with our beliefs in space and life. And that wishlist above? I can't even. I CAN'T EVEN. Except for the parking spot part which we do not have, you just wait for pictures, k?
So now we are leaving and now we look back.
I don't know how to build a monument except by writing about one. Look at all those ways God provided! Isn't He cool? Consider this post my pile of rocks.
What just happened in the last few years? I honestly do not know. I don't know the significance of this pile of rocks; a lot of anxiety, a lot of lessons, a lot of digging in to things that led to deep well waters and other things that were more like broken pipes under the ground. Two more babies, three in our arms right now and that's amazing. A safe space to go learn how to be parents sort-of (ignore that 21 year old blogger that had a baby & a home birth & an intent to breastfeed until her earth children went to university, she didn't know what she thought she knew), to learn a new pace, to get some tools for our tool belt of life. To gain friends we intend to drink wine with when we all have white hair. Maybe a launching ground for a way of living that we would never have had if it weren't for this little potato-making town. Maybe we'll find out one day. Maybe we won't. But a pile of rocks is here indeed.
Saturday, September 3, 2016
Homeschooling & Being Afraid of the Whole Entire World
I'm not super impressed with the people that our society is churning out. There. Said it. Off my chest. The expectation of what you should do and who you should become as a person in North America is just the absolute worst. And I'm not talking about the usual notion that people-are-terrible-because-they-want-lots-of-things-and-big-houses. That's neither here nor there. I'm talking about, many people are terrible because they are trained to be terrified, and they live their life based on it. Myself included. And it creates half-versions of ourselves, scared and shrivelled, and the result is terrible.
Many of us live in a squished-down fear bubble that won't pop and there's this undeniable truth that most of us kind of like it because it's safe to be scared of the whole world. If we live afraid of the world, at one point or another we can say, "See! I was right! The world is awful and we have reason to be scared of it!" and being right is a type of safety, I think.
So, when I tell people we've decided to homeschool our children - that we will start Kindergarten in our own home - the automatic belief is that we are homeschooling our children because we are terrified to send them to "regular school". We must homeschool because we must be afraid. Maybe we're afraid of violence. Maybe we're afraid of terrorism. Maybe we're afraid of the sex education system in Ontario. Maybe we're afraid they'll get pregnant or do drugs or be held down and forced to take an injection of Gardisil. Maybe we're afraid that they won't learn enough, that they won't fit into the confines of a grade system. Maybe we're afraid they'll be labelled with a disorder, that they'll be bullied, that they'll be changed. That they won't "turn out" Christians. Maybe we homeschool because we are scared to send them into the system.
Friends, our God is bigger than that.
And I can freely tell you, none of the above is true. We are homeschooling our children beginning this month because we aren't afraid. We aren't afraid that we will mess them up. We aren't afraid that they will lack opportunity. We aren't afraid of creating socially awkward creatures that lurk the skirts of the playground. We aren't afraid to let them learn in their own home.
We know many people who send their children to public school, many who homeschool and many who send their children to a faith-based school. Every person we know has their purposes for choosing a particular school system: some see their children as little missionaries, shining lights in dark places. Many see their children as precious metals, to be nurtured and protected. Some have schools that are nearby to their place of work. Some just simply need the break from needy voices and hands for six hours a day. None of these reasons are wrong.
But our reason is because we have confidence that it is families that are going to change the world and we have a rare opportunity to find out if that's true. We hope that by living out our days together - as a family - our impact in the world will be stronger than it would be apart. John and I are in an industry where we work many weekends and many evenings and daytime is our sacred resting place. We work together and we work from home. Daytime is when we do our creative work and our play, it's when we take walks, go to the gym and cook good food. Our days are our soft places to land, and our weekends and evenings are our work and community rhythm. So, by sending our children to a school system in the days, we would miss the evenings, miss the weekends, miss the soft and wide open spaces of play and rest and learning, and that's simply not worth it to us. We aren't afraid of what would happen if we sent our kids out to school; we instead are working to protect the intricate bonds of our little girls' little hands in ours, and be with them in our open spaces so they can have the very best of us, and we can teach them how to navigate the world.
We will homeschool because we are not afraid of family, we want to embrace it. We want to give our children the opportunity to find who they are in the sweet space of their own home, believing it will spill into the rest of the world with a wildness, a sense of freedom and a confidence that can change the future and maybe look a little different than the fear we have come so accustomed to knowing.
Many of us live in a squished-down fear bubble that won't pop and there's this undeniable truth that most of us kind of like it because it's safe to be scared of the whole world. If we live afraid of the world, at one point or another we can say, "See! I was right! The world is awful and we have reason to be scared of it!" and being right is a type of safety, I think.
So, when I tell people we've decided to homeschool our children - that we will start Kindergarten in our own home - the automatic belief is that we are homeschooling our children because we are terrified to send them to "regular school". We must homeschool because we must be afraid. Maybe we're afraid of violence. Maybe we're afraid of terrorism. Maybe we're afraid of the sex education system in Ontario. Maybe we're afraid they'll get pregnant or do drugs or be held down and forced to take an injection of Gardisil. Maybe we're afraid that they won't learn enough, that they won't fit into the confines of a grade system. Maybe we're afraid they'll be labelled with a disorder, that they'll be bullied, that they'll be changed. That they won't "turn out" Christians. Maybe we homeschool because we are scared to send them into the system.
Friends, our God is bigger than that.
And I can freely tell you, none of the above is true. We are homeschooling our children beginning this month because we aren't afraid. We aren't afraid that we will mess them up. We aren't afraid that they will lack opportunity. We aren't afraid of creating socially awkward creatures that lurk the skirts of the playground. We aren't afraid to let them learn in their own home.
We know many people who send their children to public school, many who homeschool and many who send their children to a faith-based school. Every person we know has their purposes for choosing a particular school system: some see their children as little missionaries, shining lights in dark places. Many see their children as precious metals, to be nurtured and protected. Some have schools that are nearby to their place of work. Some just simply need the break from needy voices and hands for six hours a day. None of these reasons are wrong.
But our reason is because we have confidence that it is families that are going to change the world and we have a rare opportunity to find out if that's true. We hope that by living out our days together - as a family - our impact in the world will be stronger than it would be apart. John and I are in an industry where we work many weekends and many evenings and daytime is our sacred resting place. We work together and we work from home. Daytime is when we do our creative work and our play, it's when we take walks, go to the gym and cook good food. Our days are our soft places to land, and our weekends and evenings are our work and community rhythm. So, by sending our children to a school system in the days, we would miss the evenings, miss the weekends, miss the soft and wide open spaces of play and rest and learning, and that's simply not worth it to us. We aren't afraid of what would happen if we sent our kids out to school; we instead are working to protect the intricate bonds of our little girls' little hands in ours, and be with them in our open spaces so they can have the very best of us, and we can teach them how to navigate the world.
We will homeschool because we are not afraid of family, we want to embrace it. We want to give our children the opportunity to find who they are in the sweet space of their own home, believing it will spill into the rest of the world with a wildness, a sense of freedom and a confidence that can change the future and maybe look a little different than the fear we have come so accustomed to knowing.
Wednesday, May 4, 2016
What Is Community?
I was out for coffee the other day with a friend and we were discussing what the next season looked like in life for us as we are both in somewhat of a transitional phase and feel that new (exciting? scary? wonderful?) things might be coming, whatever that might mean. And of course, me being a mom of three, children came up and I started sharing my must-have list of things I personally believe you need to have in line before kids start to come along. Or while they come along. Or whenever you can.
The list is short and comprises one thing: Community.
No number of baby registry items or rooms in a house or square footage in a backyard can help you navigate having a family like community can. Having people around us to ease the burden, pat you on the back and recite the old faithful "I've been there, sister/brother" has been the key to our surviving and (usually, not always) thriving while having three kids in four years and running a business and facing the challenges life has thrown our way in the last few years. I mean, look at the posts that go viral on the internet: They're the ones that say "hey mom, you're doing great" / "don't worry, you're not alone" / "did you know that dads are totally capable human beings?". We need support and we don't know where to get it from.
But it was then that I realized that the word "Community" is sort of elusive. When I said "Community", she said "by that, what do you mean?" and it was a fair question, because we all have our own definitions and versions of what community looks and feels like to us.
To many I think that Community can mean a group of support people in line to help, and it can mean paid. It can mean daycare, it can mean a housecleaner, it can mean a bookkeeper, it can mean a life coach. Those things definitely can help build a support network and they are wonderful additions to life if you need them to help ease burdens... but they aren't really community. They are a support network, and a safety net and they're great things - but they're not community.
Community is an authentic coming together of people from a variety of backgrounds, lifestyles and socioeconomic statuses that agree to hold one another up during the ins and outs of daily life. Community is built around backyard campfires. Or dinner around a table. It's created when there is a mutual (probably unspoken) decision to get real with each other. Community was me having coffee with that friend over a table talking about our fears, struggles and passions in our career and life choices.
Community is based on a sense of vulnerability and an understanding that we are all being real together, which means that when my husband and I are in financial straits, we tell our friends to pray. It means that we watch each other's kids and go apple picking together. It means that we follow up with how job interviews went and how sleep training is going and it means building fences together or helping one another move. Community is living the in and out rhythm of life together, whether things are good or bad or hard or busy or boring. It's a you-know-I'm-there-for-you-no-matter-what kind of life and it extends beyond family.
Sounds a little mystical, am I right? It's not. Next post I'll be sharing about how to find community, and finally I'll share how to build it. These are just brief thoughts from our own experiences, but if you want to hear some excellent opinions from actual grownups that know what they're talking about, I'd recommend this book and this one and also this one.
'Till next time.
The list is short and comprises one thing: Community.
No number of baby registry items or rooms in a house or square footage in a backyard can help you navigate having a family like community can. Having people around us to ease the burden, pat you on the back and recite the old faithful "I've been there, sister/brother" has been the key to our surviving and (usually, not always) thriving while having three kids in four years and running a business and facing the challenges life has thrown our way in the last few years. I mean, look at the posts that go viral on the internet: They're the ones that say "hey mom, you're doing great" / "don't worry, you're not alone" / "did you know that dads are totally capable human beings?". We need support and we don't know where to get it from.
But it was then that I realized that the word "Community" is sort of elusive. When I said "Community", she said "by that, what do you mean?" and it was a fair question, because we all have our own definitions and versions of what community looks and feels like to us.
To many I think that Community can mean a group of support people in line to help, and it can mean paid. It can mean daycare, it can mean a housecleaner, it can mean a bookkeeper, it can mean a life coach. Those things definitely can help build a support network and they are wonderful additions to life if you need them to help ease burdens... but they aren't really community. They are a support network, and a safety net and they're great things - but they're not community.
Community is an authentic coming together of people from a variety of backgrounds, lifestyles and socioeconomic statuses that agree to hold one another up during the ins and outs of daily life. Community is built around backyard campfires. Or dinner around a table. It's created when there is a mutual (probably unspoken) decision to get real with each other. Community was me having coffee with that friend over a table talking about our fears, struggles and passions in our career and life choices.
Community is based on a sense of vulnerability and an understanding that we are all being real together, which means that when my husband and I are in financial straits, we tell our friends to pray. It means that we watch each other's kids and go apple picking together. It means that we follow up with how job interviews went and how sleep training is going and it means building fences together or helping one another move. Community is living the in and out rhythm of life together, whether things are good or bad or hard or busy or boring. It's a you-know-I'm-there-for-you-no-matter-what kind of life and it extends beyond family.
Sounds a little mystical, am I right? It's not. Next post I'll be sharing about how to find community, and finally I'll share how to build it. These are just brief thoughts from our own experiences, but if you want to hear some excellent opinions from actual grownups that know what they're talking about, I'd recommend this book and this one and also this one.
'Till next time.
Tuesday, May 28, 2013
The Little Things
Sometimes my problem with blogging is that I only share the "big stuff" in life: the big ideas, the challenges, the major events. But it was pointed out to me in a recent discussion with my mastermind group - and I realized that in my own experience this is very true - that you get to know people not through the big things, but through the little things.
So I thought I'd let you in some of the little things of life lately.
I've been helping out with the kids ministry at our church. Talk about fulfilling. I've believed for years that if you do what you are passionate about doing, God will not only bless what you're doing you, as a person, will feel better. I am passionate about kids ministry. I feel amazing when I'm helping with it - whether the administrative aspect, or the hopping-around-the-room-like-an-adult-lady-sized-frog aspect.
I'm having a bit of a struggle with 30 Meals in 30 Days. I am going to meet my "30 meals" goal but probably not in 30 days. That's okay. Hey, if you have any new meals you think I should try, let me see 'em.
The Caterpillar is now walking. She looks like this.
We look like this.
The Caterpillar is teething. Which means she is nursing way more. Fortunately for me, life looks like this today. I even put her in the moby wrap. I'm a happy mama to be getting lots of snuggles. And my ears are bleeding from her screaming. I guess that part isn't awesome.
I planted a strawberry & blueberry patch at my mom's house. I won't see any harvest this summer but this is kind of a long-term payoff thing.
John got a Canon 6D a few weeks ago to act as a backup to the 5DmkII. He loves it.
John and I are doing a The Office marathon. It started when we were sick a few weeks ago and now we can't go a day without getting all wrapped up in the Jim & Pam romance. (Today we watched the episode where Jim FINALLY asks Pam on a date. We high fived. It was cute.)
I made mango & yogurt ice pops, and they got stuck in the popsicle maker thing, and the sticks only came out, and it did not look like this.
And we had three weddings this past weekend so my life is a mix of editing and folding laundry and writing copy and tonight I'm leading a mastermind group with a basic design/photoshop tutorial and I guess I should start planning for that.
Those are the little things of today. :)
So I thought I'd let you in some of the little things of life lately.
 |
| Craft tutorial coming soon. |
 |
| Baking buddies! |
The Caterpillar is now walking. She looks like this.
We look like this.
The Caterpillar is teething. Which means she is nursing way more. Fortunately for me, life looks like this today. I even put her in the moby wrap. I'm a happy mama to be getting lots of snuggles. And my ears are bleeding from her screaming. I guess that part isn't awesome.
I planted a strawberry & blueberry patch at my mom's house. I won't see any harvest this summer but this is kind of a long-term payoff thing.
 |
| Handsome |
John got a Canon 6D a few weeks ago to act as a backup to the 5DmkII. He loves it.
John and I are doing a The Office marathon. It started when we were sick a few weeks ago and now we can't go a day without getting all wrapped up in the Jim & Pam romance. (Today we watched the episode where Jim FINALLY asks Pam on a date. We high fived. It was cute.)
I made mango & yogurt ice pops, and they got stuck in the popsicle maker thing, and the sticks only came out, and it did not look like this.
 |
| TheBump |
Those are the little things of today. :)
Sunday, December 23, 2012
Merry Christmas (From Us to You)!
Wishing you a Merry Christmas from the Butlers!
Here's the original Christmas card we sent out this year - enjoy!
Monday, December 3, 2012
This is a Man's House
John has taken to hobbying. Me too. We are messy hobbyists. When I'm making a craft, I'm making a craft all over the house. Scissors everywhere. When John's finding his interests, he does it all over the place, too. Mostly, he beers all over the house. All.over.the.house. He Vanilla Bourbon Breakfast Stout-s in each and every one of our rooms. And by that I mean making, not drinking.
Two weeks ago I went to bath Lilian to find a big ol' circular scratch in the middle of my tub, thanks to some beer making device.
My kitchen sink found itself a nice big scratch, too, right smack dab in the middle of the porcelain.
There's an 8' table sitting in my driveway which was used for brew day.
A strainer, too. A really big industrial sized strainer. Sitting in my driveway.
And let's talk about the beer itself. Right now I have 30.5 bottles of Vanilla Bourbon Breakfast Stout fermenting (or something) in my kitchen.
Breaking Bad has been making an entrance in our TV room, too. Like... a lot.
If it weren't for cute wall decor, general tidiness, and an array of carefully placed baby toys, you'd think I was living in a bachelor pad.
In a world of Pinterest and perfection, I just thought I would share a glimpse into the reality of beer making / my husband asserting his manhood. This is a Man's house. But not for long. It's time for me to begin a new project and for John to package & refrigerate his brew.
Two weeks ago I went to bath Lilian to find a big ol' circular scratch in the middle of my tub, thanks to some beer making device.
My kitchen sink found itself a nice big scratch, too, right smack dab in the middle of the porcelain.
There's an 8' table sitting in my driveway which was used for brew day.
A strainer, too. A really big industrial sized strainer. Sitting in my driveway.
And let's talk about the beer itself. Right now I have 30.5 bottles of Vanilla Bourbon Breakfast Stout fermenting (or something) in my kitchen.
Breaking Bad has been making an entrance in our TV room, too. Like... a lot.
If it weren't for cute wall decor, general tidiness, and an array of carefully placed baby toys, you'd think I was living in a bachelor pad.
In a world of Pinterest and perfection, I just thought I would share a glimpse into the reality of beer making / my husband asserting his manhood. This is a Man's house. But not for long. It's time for me to begin a new project and for John to package & refrigerate his brew.
Sunday, November 18, 2012
Groceries on a Dime
Well, maybe a little more than a dime.
John and I have managed to restrict our grocery budget to $300 a month, and many people have asked us how we do it - so I thought I'd share a few tips for keeping our grocery bill on the slimmer side.
Buy food when you need it
We go grocery shopping twice or three times a week. Of course, not a full grocery shop - but with our current lifestyle, we're not great at planning (and following through with) too many meals in advance. The benefit of shopping when necessary, is that we tend to use our cupboard contents to their maximum: very little goes wasted. Usually this means our cupboards have a bit of a bare look to them, but our tummies are full.
Exhaust your resources
It's nice to be a foodie, but living on a strict(ish) grocery budget doesn't always allow for that. We exhaust our food resources to their maximum: often, this means eggs with _____, or _____ in a wrap for breakfast/dinner/lunch. I'll be honest, sometimes it sucks to pair rice with black beans and spaghetti sauce (I'm not saying we're food connoisseurs over here), but then the next day we forget about it, have empty cupboards, and buy everything we need to make two or three nice meals. Repeat.
Have a few reliable staples
We have a few items which we use with nearly every single meal. Our household staples are (usually) as follows: carrots, sweet potato, milk, honey, sugar, sour cream, eggs, wraps, avocados, barbeque sauce, and (most importantly) salsa.
With the above items, we can generally whip together some kind of meal: Quesidillas, breakfast burritos, pasta, rice & veggies... and then when we add whatever additional shopping we've done for the week, we have a meal.
Make soup... and lots of it
I've discussed before about how great it is to have a perpetual chicken broth on hand at any given time. Lately I've dropped the ball on this, but having chicken broth easily available means having soup easily available.
Adding a little veggies and cream to a good broth is a simple way to make soup - combine in a blender or with the emulsion blender and you have lunch! In the summer, sub in this rule for a good salad.
Dried fruits & nuts make a world of difference
We have a variety of dried fruits and nuts always on hand, which makes for a great snack or salad. The cost to purchase the initial fruits and nuts - and to re-stock when you run out - might make your budget a little more tough to meet, but in our experience we only tend to re-stock every 2-3 months, and each month we re-stock on something different.
Get on a kick
Unless you're desperate to provide variety, and I think you're amazing if you are, getting on a kick is an excellent way to keep the budget low. We cycle through Mexican-food kicks, Curry kicks and Pasta kicks like it's our job. Although the contents of the meal might change every night or two, the general "base" is the same: rice, pasta, bread, salad, etc.
Meal share
The organic chicken I buy to make perpetual soup (and set aside the meat for The Caterpillar) costs $20 - which is quite a lot, considering I don't need it all! So, my friend decided that she'd go in on the chicken with me and share the broth (considering it makes unlimited broth) and share the meat. This considerably reduces the monthly cost for broth and chicken - a savings of $40 a month!
We've also discussed doing other meal-sharing with friends in terms of bulk meals. This would look like us cooking a huge meal (casserole?), them cooking a huge meal (mac 'n' cheese?) and dividing the two. For families who value variety, this might be a good cost-effective solution! Remember, it's always cheaper to cook in bulk.
Try freezer meals
We have a few great recipes for freezer meals to make in bulk. Check out this link for those that have not sucked!
Do your research
Here are a few other great resources for how to grocery shop on a dime (ish):
This Rookie Wife shares on how the Bell family reduced their grocery bill and a few tips on keeping the kitchen simple
TLC Weighs in on how to cut your grocery bill in half
Grocery Shrink shows you how to have a monthly grocery bill of $50/person
John and I have managed to restrict our grocery budget to $300 a month, and many people have asked us how we do it - so I thought I'd share a few tips for keeping our grocery bill on the slimmer side.
Buy food when you need it
We go grocery shopping twice or three times a week. Of course, not a full grocery shop - but with our current lifestyle, we're not great at planning (and following through with) too many meals in advance. The benefit of shopping when necessary, is that we tend to use our cupboard contents to their maximum: very little goes wasted. Usually this means our cupboards have a bit of a bare look to them, but our tummies are full.
Exhaust your resources
It's nice to be a foodie, but living on a strict(ish) grocery budget doesn't always allow for that. We exhaust our food resources to their maximum: often, this means eggs with _____, or _____ in a wrap for breakfast/dinner/lunch. I'll be honest, sometimes it sucks to pair rice with black beans and spaghetti sauce (I'm not saying we're food connoisseurs over here), but then the next day we forget about it, have empty cupboards, and buy everything we need to make two or three nice meals. Repeat.
Have a few reliable staples
We have a few items which we use with nearly every single meal. Our household staples are (usually) as follows: carrots, sweet potato, milk, honey, sugar, sour cream, eggs, wraps, avocados, barbeque sauce, and (most importantly) salsa.
With the above items, we can generally whip together some kind of meal: Quesidillas, breakfast burritos, pasta, rice & veggies... and then when we add whatever additional shopping we've done for the week, we have a meal.
Make soup... and lots of it
I've discussed before about how great it is to have a perpetual chicken broth on hand at any given time. Lately I've dropped the ball on this, but having chicken broth easily available means having soup easily available.
Adding a little veggies and cream to a good broth is a simple way to make soup - combine in a blender or with the emulsion blender and you have lunch! In the summer, sub in this rule for a good salad.
Dried fruits & nuts make a world of difference
We have a variety of dried fruits and nuts always on hand, which makes for a great snack or salad. The cost to purchase the initial fruits and nuts - and to re-stock when you run out - might make your budget a little more tough to meet, but in our experience we only tend to re-stock every 2-3 months, and each month we re-stock on something different.
Get on a kick
Unless you're desperate to provide variety, and I think you're amazing if you are, getting on a kick is an excellent way to keep the budget low. We cycle through Mexican-food kicks, Curry kicks and Pasta kicks like it's our job. Although the contents of the meal might change every night or two, the general "base" is the same: rice, pasta, bread, salad, etc.
Meal share
The organic chicken I buy to make perpetual soup (and set aside the meat for The Caterpillar) costs $20 - which is quite a lot, considering I don't need it all! So, my friend decided that she'd go in on the chicken with me and share the broth (considering it makes unlimited broth) and share the meat. This considerably reduces the monthly cost for broth and chicken - a savings of $40 a month!
We've also discussed doing other meal-sharing with friends in terms of bulk meals. This would look like us cooking a huge meal (casserole?), them cooking a huge meal (mac 'n' cheese?) and dividing the two. For families who value variety, this might be a good cost-effective solution! Remember, it's always cheaper to cook in bulk.
Try freezer meals
We have a few great recipes for freezer meals to make in bulk. Check out this link for those that have not sucked!
Do your research
Here are a few other great resources for how to grocery shop on a dime (ish):
This Rookie Wife shares on how the Bell family reduced their grocery bill and a few tips on keeping the kitchen simple
TLC Weighs in on how to cut your grocery bill in half
Grocery Shrink shows you how to have a monthly grocery bill of $50/person
Friday, November 16, 2012
Family Photos
A couple of weeks ago we had our family photos taken by Nicole Abram, a photographer that often works on New Vintage Media projects with us. We really enjoyed our time with Nicole and The Caterpillar was probably the crankiest baby in the world that day (see last photo).
Enjoy!
Enjoy!
 |
| My favourite. It looks like we're awful parents, but to be clear: she was fed, diaper changed, very warm, had a nap... just cranky. |
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
How to Live on Budget This Christmas
Today I'm guest-posting at Our Nest in the City about...
...how to live on a Christmas budget of $500!
Including food, entertaining, gifts, gas, and cards, it IS possible to live on a full-family budget of $500. Adjust your budget to accomodate your own special needs, including children's gifts!
Check it out & enjoy!
[Another great way to stay on budget would be to enter this Etsy Scavenger Hunt contest! You could win an excellent prize pack which would make fantastic gifts for your family & friends!]
...how to live on a Christmas budget of $500!
Including food, entertaining, gifts, gas, and cards, it IS possible to live on a full-family budget of $500. Adjust your budget to accomodate your own special needs, including children's gifts!
Check it out & enjoy!
[Another great way to stay on budget would be to enter this Etsy Scavenger Hunt contest! You could win an excellent prize pack which would make fantastic gifts for your family & friends!]
Friday, November 2, 2012
Wind
This past week has been a complete whirlwind for us. Emotionally exhausting, hopeful, defeating, and at this point, invigorating.
John (for the record) gives the go-ahead on sharing this story.
Here's how it starts: sometime, about two weeks ago, John nearly got into a car accident that almost certainly would have taken his life. This isn't the official start of the story, but it's the only reference point my mind keeps returning to. So, for the sake of my perspective, it's the start. John was turning left out of a parking lot and onto a busy road. He couldn't see the traffic in front of him, as he was behind another vehicle. A cement truck was coming towards him. However the details came together, both John and the truck driver came out unscathed. John scared and truck-man angry, but no collision, no insurance claim, no ambulance. No funeral. John told me about the incident later that day and as night progressed I couldn't help but think that evening could have turned out differently. Different prayers. Different tears.
A week or so prior, John and I had a routine appointment with our banker. In casual conversation, John and I jokingly lamented that we wouldn't be able to qualify for a mortgage until spring at the earliest - between a sufficient downpayment and the struggle of the self-employed to qualify for lending, our craving for a home wouldn't be satisfied for a while. But we were okay with this. We recently redecorated our apartment and despite noisy neighbours and an increasingly tight layout, it was home.
Our broker, however, had another solution: he could qualify us for a mortgage. And did. That day.
We were ecstatic, and surprised. We were now "on the market". MLS was no longer a fun website but a sea of potential homes. We set up viewings, assessed realtors, sorted finances, and prayed. Oh, we prayed. For wisdom, for guidance, for leadership. We felt we were to "make haste". So we did, and shortly after, we found The One.
The One in our price range. In our desired region. With room to grow, but not to get lost in. With potential for improvement, but not a need for it. We got that feeling of home there, and contentedness with our current home dissipated. We made an offer, the seller accepted, and we moved toward what was supposed to be the short-and-sweet road to financing. We were pre-approved, after all.
However, what we soon found was that our pre-approval was made in haste. By that I mean, improperly, mistakenly. Our banker meant well and at the time his mistake was made unknowingly, but our pre-approval did not fit the confines of new July 2012 regulations for the self-employed. Essentially, we need a 10% downpayment, not a 5%. In numbers, this is a difference of $10 000. Not a slight one.
After exploring a couple of last-ditch options, we realized that the wisest move was to close this door altogether, lest we get in over our heads. I mean, more over our heads.
We felt discouraged and defeated. Why were we so sure? Why were we so sure this fit into God's plan? To those questions, I don't have the answer. Not yet. I will, but not yet.
Last night we went to bed feeling heavy and sad. And we woke up this morning feeling a little empty: we could be planning a move, we could be discussing decor...
But then it hit me. Like a brick in the face. Joy. We woke up sad, but we woke up together. I could be living the do-over I prayed for one teary night in a world I thankfully don't live in. John's arms around me, The Caterpillar brought into bed beside me (morning routine, we love it). All together.
So this is all to say: this last week has been a whirlwind that I have been privileged to live. Despite the bickering and the confusion and feeling a little let down and discontent, I'm glad it happened. I don't know why it did, but it did, and I'd do it again if I got to do it with John.
Today he worked harder and more creatively than I can recall, ever. The ideas he was bubbling over with are inspiring. I feel at home in our apartment again.
We do hope to buy a house. Maybe next year, maybe not. But whatever we do, we whirlwind together.
John (for the record) gives the go-ahead on sharing this story.
Here's how it starts: sometime, about two weeks ago, John nearly got into a car accident that almost certainly would have taken his life. This isn't the official start of the story, but it's the only reference point my mind keeps returning to. So, for the sake of my perspective, it's the start. John was turning left out of a parking lot and onto a busy road. He couldn't see the traffic in front of him, as he was behind another vehicle. A cement truck was coming towards him. However the details came together, both John and the truck driver came out unscathed. John scared and truck-man angry, but no collision, no insurance claim, no ambulance. No funeral. John told me about the incident later that day and as night progressed I couldn't help but think that evening could have turned out differently. Different prayers. Different tears.
A week or so prior, John and I had a routine appointment with our banker. In casual conversation, John and I jokingly lamented that we wouldn't be able to qualify for a mortgage until spring at the earliest - between a sufficient downpayment and the struggle of the self-employed to qualify for lending, our craving for a home wouldn't be satisfied for a while. But we were okay with this. We recently redecorated our apartment and despite noisy neighbours and an increasingly tight layout, it was home.
Our broker, however, had another solution: he could qualify us for a mortgage. And did. That day.
We were ecstatic, and surprised. We were now "on the market". MLS was no longer a fun website but a sea of potential homes. We set up viewings, assessed realtors, sorted finances, and prayed. Oh, we prayed. For wisdom, for guidance, for leadership. We felt we were to "make haste". So we did, and shortly after, we found The One.
The One in our price range. In our desired region. With room to grow, but not to get lost in. With potential for improvement, but not a need for it. We got that feeling of home there, and contentedness with our current home dissipated. We made an offer, the seller accepted, and we moved toward what was supposed to be the short-and-sweet road to financing. We were pre-approved, after all.
However, what we soon found was that our pre-approval was made in haste. By that I mean, improperly, mistakenly. Our banker meant well and at the time his mistake was made unknowingly, but our pre-approval did not fit the confines of new July 2012 regulations for the self-employed. Essentially, we need a 10% downpayment, not a 5%. In numbers, this is a difference of $10 000. Not a slight one.
After exploring a couple of last-ditch options, we realized that the wisest move was to close this door altogether, lest we get in over our heads. I mean, more over our heads.
We felt discouraged and defeated. Why were we so sure? Why were we so sure this fit into God's plan? To those questions, I don't have the answer. Not yet. I will, but not yet.
Last night we went to bed feeling heavy and sad. And we woke up this morning feeling a little empty: we could be planning a move, we could be discussing decor...
But then it hit me. Like a brick in the face. Joy. We woke up sad, but we woke up together. I could be living the do-over I prayed for one teary night in a world I thankfully don't live in. John's arms around me, The Caterpillar brought into bed beside me (morning routine, we love it). All together.
So this is all to say: this last week has been a whirlwind that I have been privileged to live. Despite the bickering and the confusion and feeling a little let down and discontent, I'm glad it happened. I don't know why it did, but it did, and I'd do it again if I got to do it with John.
Today he worked harder and more creatively than I can recall, ever. The ideas he was bubbling over with are inspiring. I feel at home in our apartment again.
We do hope to buy a house. Maybe next year, maybe not. But whatever we do, we whirlwind together.
Monday, October 29, 2012
The Sleep Files: Only If For A Night
I haven't been posting much lately as there have been a few other worthy distractions to take my time - and what kind of blogger would I be if I spent more life blogging than living?
But I have a moment in time and thought to give a little update on our sleep situation, if nothing else but as an encouragement to the three or four other families in the world dealing with this issue. (That is sarcasm, by the way.)
In short, The Sleep Sense program works for one valuable thing: it gets The Caterpillar to sleep. Where we used to struggle for hours to see her snooze, it now happens in minutes if her routine is in perfect working order.
But here is where the program fails: the mid-night waking. The Caterpillar goes to bed around 7:00. Excellent. She then wakes at 9:00. 11:30. 1:00. 3:30. 6:00. Then, finally, is up for good at 7:30 AM until her 9:30 nap. Part of the problem is that every.single.time she wakes she needs a diaper change (last night we hit a record low of 3 diapers between 7 pm and 7 am).
Sleep Sense suggests allowing baby to settle herself back to sleep (cry it out) until eventually she learns that staying asleep is much more enjoyable than waking. What Obleman doesn't note is that when baby screams for an hour and a half because she is pissed right off about waking... picking her up, feeding her and putting her quickly back to sleep seems like a better option. And so this is the route we have chosen, to our demise: 2x night wakings have swiftly turned to 4x night wakings and the progress is a little resemblant of 2 steps forward, 1 step back.
So we're at a standstill. We hate to hear The Caterpillar screaming for hours, but getting no more than two consecutive hours of sleep is wearing on us. Changing her diaper so many times in a night disturbs her further, but she is wet so we can't leave her (I don't know where Pampers gets their 12-hour nighttime promise from).
Do you have any thoughts? We're at a loss and we have tried all we can. I want to get 6 hours of consecutive sleep. That's the goal. Only if for a night.
But I have a moment in time and thought to give a little update on our sleep situation, if nothing else but as an encouragement to the three or four other families in the world dealing with this issue. (That is sarcasm, by the way.)
In short, The Sleep Sense program works for one valuable thing: it gets The Caterpillar to sleep. Where we used to struggle for hours to see her snooze, it now happens in minutes if her routine is in perfect working order.
But here is where the program fails: the mid-night waking. The Caterpillar goes to bed around 7:00. Excellent. She then wakes at 9:00. 11:30. 1:00. 3:30. 6:00. Then, finally, is up for good at 7:30 AM until her 9:30 nap. Part of the problem is that every.single.time she wakes she needs a diaper change (last night we hit a record low of 3 diapers between 7 pm and 7 am).
Sleep Sense suggests allowing baby to settle herself back to sleep (cry it out) until eventually she learns that staying asleep is much more enjoyable than waking. What Obleman doesn't note is that when baby screams for an hour and a half because she is pissed right off about waking... picking her up, feeding her and putting her quickly back to sleep seems like a better option. And so this is the route we have chosen, to our demise: 2x night wakings have swiftly turned to 4x night wakings and the progress is a little resemblant of 2 steps forward, 1 step back.
So we're at a standstill. We hate to hear The Caterpillar screaming for hours, but getting no more than two consecutive hours of sleep is wearing on us. Changing her diaper so many times in a night disturbs her further, but she is wet so we can't leave her (I don't know where Pampers gets their 12-hour nighttime promise from).
Do you have any thoughts? We're at a loss and we have tried all we can. I want to get 6 hours of consecutive sleep. That's the goal. Only if for a night.
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Everything I Know, I Learned in Six Months
I don't think there's anything else I need to know to live a successful life. Enjoy.
Confidence is Available (In 5 Easy Steps!)
Confidence is Available (In 5 Easy Steps!)
- Throw on a pair of pants that's a size too big (you know, the ones you wore RIGHT after you had a baby?). Stretch out the fabric like they do in those Jenny commercials and bam, you lost weight darlin! A while ago, but you did it.
- Side bangs. The simplest way to let the world know, "I care, but not too much."
- Turn up the song Party Rockers. You'll find that you can't help but dance and, might I add, become a Party Rocker yourself.
- Buy flowers. Or get your husband to do it for you. Tip: Leaving an empty vase out on the kitchen table works 40% of the time, all the time.
- Look at that baby you made. She claps! She laughs! You taught her those things, you amazing woman, you. Teacher of the Year.
Sleep is A Gift
Scientists claim not to understand the real reason we need sleep. That's because they're thinking too hard about the issue. Let me break it down for you:
- Without a good night of sleep, you'll feel less "yourself" and more "Count Dracula". Nasty sides of yourself which you thought you conquered, turn out to still be a lingering mess. Volcano. Eruption.
- Without a good night of sleep, decision-making feels daunting. What cereal do I want to buy?! I don't know! Just pick one for me! This is not good.
- Without a good night of sleep, it's harder to convince yourself to exercise. That means you can get a little, ahem, hefty. Noted.
- Without a good night of sleep, you'll have a pile of "outbox" emails which you wrote but never sent. Your husband will become annoyed with you. You will feel silly.
Life is Awesome and Fun
God's grace is redemptive and overwhelming and will pick you up on the worst days and carry you through the best days.
Listening to a baby's giggle is like watching chocolate fondue wrap its sticky little arms around the juiciest strawberry you ever saw. And then eating it.
Redecorating a house can turn it into home. Into stability. Into a mirror reflection of you. And hey, that's not so bad.
Songza exists, so eat that, YouTube.
The really difficult moments - the tunnels we see no light through - come to an end. And then we miss them. I forget what it's like to be strapped to a couch for six hours, learning to nurse a baby and watching her sleep peacefully. In those moments, I was frustrated and exhausted but now I would happily relive them considering I have the knowledge that truly, this too shall pass.
Being a stay at home mom does not mean I'm missing anything out "there". My Aunt is currently foster-parenting an infant and says she enjoys parenting the second time around (her kids are in their teens) because she appreciates the fact that she's really not missing anything in the real world. This is better. In your twenties, you always wonder what if you had deadlines or a boss or a commute, but once you jump on the career train, you realize that bubbly, snotty, crayon-y kids are much more fulfilling.
There is nothing like a good community. I have found solace and support and love in ways I could never have imagined in our friendship community in our town. Through my Bible study and my church I have made connections with women who have taught me so much and have supported me through some very challenging days. We are all here for each other, holding each other up, and I want and need this kind of community for the rest of my life.
Marriage Is Worth It
Date nights are worth it. Babysitters are worth it. My best memory with John over these past few months was a night that my mom took The Caterpillar for a few hours and we restaurant-hopped: dinner here, dessert there - and then laid ourselves down at the lake underneath the stars and just watched them exist.
Arguments are worth it. I don't mean "fights", the messy ones with no winner - I mean discussions which lead to conclusions and consensus and bring us together. The ones where you realize what's really going on in your heart and you surface it. They're hard but worth it. And made even better when Mom comes over to hang out with The Caterpillar while we hash the stuff out.
"We did this together". That's worth it.
Growth is worth it. John and I began a course with a group of other couples called Love After Marriage. It's been amazing to learn together and grow together in spiritual ways we never saw coming. It's taken a lot of brutal honesty and patience but it's also been fun and amazing. One of our favourite "assignments" is to walk and pray together, and it makes a huge difference to pray for one another's families, goals, and life - together.
Prayer is worth it. I'll update a little bit more soon, but every time I find myself praying for John or aspects of his life, I find myself loving him more. This is worth taking the time to pray and making the effort to do it.
Saturday, September 22, 2012
The Sleep Files: A Review of The Sleep Sense Program by Dana Obleman
So sleep is crucial to our health & well being. To our performance at work. To our performance in general. To our happiness. Yadda yadda yadda.
Tell my baby that.
If you have me as a friend on Facebook, or if you've read the blog for a while, you understand that my husband and I are operating as sleep-deprived zombies attempting to run a business, a marriage, and a family. If you also fit into this category, it's very likely that you have attempted to provide us with advice and support of some kind. To that, I thank you. But none of it really works.
In a nutshell, here's our sleep problem:
The Caterpillar (darling, sweet Caterpillar whom I adore), will NOT be laid down to sleep by myself, my mom, my Grandmother, my dad, John's mom, any babysitter, anybody... but John. Sure, she'll nurse to sleep in my lap, she'll rock to sleep in my arms, she'll settle in the car seat, but once it comes time to lay her in her crib she jolts awake and screams. All of this is true for everyone but John: if The Caterpillar is swaddled tightly, bounced consistently (for about 30 minutes), sang to (she prefers the tune of Frere Jacques) and laid CAREFULLY in her crib (and no sound is made in the house), she will sleep.
Obviously this is not condusive to getting work done and the moment John leaves the home and it's time for The Caterpillar to nap (often), I (or my mom or whoever is caring for her) need to be prepared to hold her in our arms for 2-3 hours while she slumbers. It's just not working. Especially at night.
So in desperation and lack of sleep (especially for John as he needs to wake up 3 or 4 times a night to re-swaddle and re-rock her to sleep) I googled "how will my baby ever sleep?" and I found this:
Sleep Sense. The cost? $53 USD. Paid. (Like I said, 'desperation').
Basically, The Sleep Sense Program provides parents with the permission to let their child cry it out. Yes, it claims not to be a cry-it-out system, but let's be honest, it is. A gentle one, but it is.
As a parent who has committed to the Attachment style, I feel very uncomfortable with this in my heart - but my head, which needs a freaking 7 hours of straight sleep, says that it's probably worth a shot. We are currently on night 4 of the program and here is my review so far:
It's working.
Dana Obleman is right: The Caterpillar's problem is that she doesn't know how to fall asleep. That's why after soothing her successfully, we can lie her down and she is frightened and confused because she doesn't know what to do next. She relies on us to sleep. The Sleep Sense program allows you to still be her 'crutch' and she still relies on us to be soothed, but ultimately she slips from soothed to sleeping on her own - and I like this. I mean, it takes some crying and screaming in the meantime, but it works. The most she has cried has been 25 minutes which is far shorter than the 45 minutes that Obleman suggests may be what we experience in the first few weeks.
The Caterpillar's other problem is that she doesn't know what to expect. Everyone did share with us that "routine" is key to putting your child to sleep, but I think that there is a difference between a casual routine (which is what John and I were pursuing) and a regime. We're leaning towards regime: naptime now means nursing, closing the blinds together, reading the same book every time, lying her down, stroking her face, saying our key word (night night) and spinning the mobile. Obleman also has a few other tricks (which obviously I don't want to totally share because then I'm just revealing her "system") which we're finding successful.
So overall, 4 nights in, I am finding that Obleman's sleep sense program is a success. The 197 page book is informative and will grow with us as The Caterpillar grows, the video library is promising and will be helpful in moments of frustration, the sleep tracking app is great for watching her progress, and the hotline seems like it'll be a great way to understand more and chat one on one with the author. I'd say $47 well spent for desperate and exhusted parents.
However, if you have a system that's working for you, I'd say that the sleep sense program is not for you. It's a good program for us parents who have no clue what they're doing and a child who is reluctant to sleep.
After a night of 7 hours consecutive sleep (this is unheard of - we've only had this once and it was during her first few weeks of life) I feel rested and happy and The Caterpillar seems like she's enjoying life a lot more too.
Updated Note:
I found that the Sleep Sense program worked without a hitch from the age of 3 months old until the age 9 or 10 months, but eventually The Caterpillar's sleeping patterns changed and this program as we were originally doing it didn't work any longer. So, we re-reviewed the book and the chart involved and adjusted the program according to her age and activity - once from 9 / 10 months until 14 months, and then she was walking so have done a new system from age 14 months to 18 months.
I have to say, I'm a satisfied customer, if only to hear these powerful words: ROUTINE IS EVERYTHING. Expectation is everything. Regardless of where she is (our home, babysitter's home, nana's home, grandma's home), if she has her routine roughly in place, she sleeps without a hitch. Everyone has asked me to share my secret, and the secret is routine.
I have also taken advantage of the phone-in hotline and found that speaking with Obleman directly was a major help and she gave great, specific advice for our family situation.
Even 15 months later, I would say that this program was a $53 well spent.
Tell my baby that.
If you have me as a friend on Facebook, or if you've read the blog for a while, you understand that my husband and I are operating as sleep-deprived zombies attempting to run a business, a marriage, and a family. If you also fit into this category, it's very likely that you have attempted to provide us with advice and support of some kind. To that, I thank you. But none of it really works.
In a nutshell, here's our sleep problem:
The Caterpillar (darling, sweet Caterpillar whom I adore), will NOT be laid down to sleep by myself, my mom, my Grandmother, my dad, John's mom, any babysitter, anybody... but John. Sure, she'll nurse to sleep in my lap, she'll rock to sleep in my arms, she'll settle in the car seat, but once it comes time to lay her in her crib she jolts awake and screams. All of this is true for everyone but John: if The Caterpillar is swaddled tightly, bounced consistently (for about 30 minutes), sang to (she prefers the tune of Frere Jacques) and laid CAREFULLY in her crib (and no sound is made in the house), she will sleep.
Obviously this is not condusive to getting work done and the moment John leaves the home and it's time for The Caterpillar to nap (often), I (or my mom or whoever is caring for her) need to be prepared to hold her in our arms for 2-3 hours while she slumbers. It's just not working. Especially at night.
So in desperation and lack of sleep (especially for John as he needs to wake up 3 or 4 times a night to re-swaddle and re-rock her to sleep) I googled "how will my baby ever sleep?" and I found this:
Sleep Sense. The cost? $53 USD. Paid. (Like I said, 'desperation').
Basically, The Sleep Sense Program provides parents with the permission to let their child cry it out. Yes, it claims not to be a cry-it-out system, but let's be honest, it is. A gentle one, but it is.
As a parent who has committed to the Attachment style, I feel very uncomfortable with this in my heart - but my head, which needs a freaking 7 hours of straight sleep, says that it's probably worth a shot. We are currently on night 4 of the program and here is my review so far:
It's working.
Dana Obleman is right: The Caterpillar's problem is that she doesn't know how to fall asleep. That's why after soothing her successfully, we can lie her down and she is frightened and confused because she doesn't know what to do next. She relies on us to sleep. The Sleep Sense program allows you to still be her 'crutch' and she still relies on us to be soothed, but ultimately she slips from soothed to sleeping on her own - and I like this. I mean, it takes some crying and screaming in the meantime, but it works. The most she has cried has been 25 minutes which is far shorter than the 45 minutes that Obleman suggests may be what we experience in the first few weeks.
The Caterpillar's other problem is that she doesn't know what to expect. Everyone did share with us that "routine" is key to putting your child to sleep, but I think that there is a difference between a casual routine (which is what John and I were pursuing) and a regime. We're leaning towards regime: naptime now means nursing, closing the blinds together, reading the same book every time, lying her down, stroking her face, saying our key word (night night) and spinning the mobile. Obleman also has a few other tricks (which obviously I don't want to totally share because then I'm just revealing her "system") which we're finding successful.
So overall, 4 nights in, I am finding that Obleman's sleep sense program is a success. The 197 page book is informative and will grow with us as The Caterpillar grows, the video library is promising and will be helpful in moments of frustration, the sleep tracking app is great for watching her progress, and the hotline seems like it'll be a great way to understand more and chat one on one with the author. I'd say $47 well spent for desperate and exhusted parents.
However, if you have a system that's working for you, I'd say that the sleep sense program is not for you. It's a good program for us parents who have no clue what they're doing and a child who is reluctant to sleep.
After a night of 7 hours consecutive sleep (this is unheard of - we've only had this once and it was during her first few weeks of life) I feel rested and happy and The Caterpillar seems like she's enjoying life a lot more too.
Updated Note:
I found that the Sleep Sense program worked without a hitch from the age of 3 months old until the age 9 or 10 months, but eventually The Caterpillar's sleeping patterns changed and this program as we were originally doing it didn't work any longer. So, we re-reviewed the book and the chart involved and adjusted the program according to her age and activity - once from 9 / 10 months until 14 months, and then she was walking so have done a new system from age 14 months to 18 months.
I have to say, I'm a satisfied customer, if only to hear these powerful words: ROUTINE IS EVERYTHING. Expectation is everything. Regardless of where she is (our home, babysitter's home, nana's home, grandma's home), if she has her routine roughly in place, she sleeps without a hitch. Everyone has asked me to share my secret, and the secret is routine.
I have also taken advantage of the phone-in hotline and found that speaking with Obleman directly was a major help and she gave great, specific advice for our family situation.
Even 15 months later, I would say that this program was a $53 well spent.
Tuesday, September 18, 2012
18 Summers... Sigh...
Let me introduce you to something I like to call "A Load of Crap":
The post was called "18 Summers. How many do yours have left?"
Early this past June, the author at thenester.com wrote a short but sweet blog outlining the fact that us parents only have "18 summers" with our daughters and sons and, "they go fast". Immediately I told John about it, driven by anxiety, wondering how I would make The Caterpillar's summer #1 PERFECT.
A tear-jerking concept, I was afraid of being this woman: the summer waster who commented on this frightening post:
Now let me ask you this question. I've made a cute little picture for it and everything, to match my Nester friend...
What about winter? Christmas, I ask you? How about that ugly month of February? And spring, what about spring? Ducks and Canadian geese and slush pants?
We only get 18 of everything - all to ourselves, that is. Or, if you are like my parents or John's, you get about 15 because we're slightly too independent for 18 (we spent our summers at camp). Maybe we get less. I pray to God we don't, I pray to God we get 18 of everything with The Caterpillar, but I also pray we get more - that we raise our kids to want to come back in the summer with their kids.
But here's the problem with the "18 Summers" concept: summer's HOT and MUGGY and brings on HEAT RASH and the nights are LONG and our kids are usually naked. When we confront ourselves with "oh no, only 18 summers!", we think we need to fill them entirely with zoo trips and sprinkler escapades and we really get down on ourselves when we just kind of lie on the carpet and play with toys and cry 'cause we're exhausted. Or 'cause our boobies hurt and breastfeeding is really not so simple. The anxiety sets in that we, as "Jenny B." said, wasted it.
And if we think in terms of "only 18 Christmases!", we start hiring Santa impersonators (or the real thing, if you can afford it and he's not too busy) and filling the tree with too many gifts and striving for perfection. We get scared that we're not doing our very best and - gulp - our 18 summers, and then 17 and 16, and eventually 9, then 7, then 4, then 1... were just not good enough. Did we make the last 18 years memorable and perfect?
I think that it's important to understand the fragility of our lives in general: as parents, as people, we only get to do this once and we should prioritize the fact that time is short for all of us. Make every single day as awesome as possible. Do your best. Whatever that is. But to make this a source of anxiety and a countdown is entirely missing the point.
A mother once told me that her despite her many attempts to create an amazing & memorable childhood for her girls, her daughter's significant childhood memory (the one that really stood out) was that one time when she fell off the pool ladder onto the deck, cracked her head open, bled, screamed and said mom (this is no lie) burst out laughing knowing her daughter was & would be just fine.
It's the little things, and sometimes just the every day real things, that make those 18 years memorable. Not the dozens of trips to the zoo / Wonderland / Great Wolf Lodge, although those are pretty cool once in a while too (and I'm stoked for them).
So, debunking the pile of crap that we only have 18 summers & you should monitor them carefully and perfectly, here's a little nugget of truth: we have 18 summers with our kids (maybe less, hopefully more), and no sister, you didn't blow this one. You didn't waste it. Neither did I, lying on the carpet and playing with toys.
(PS: Don't worry, The Nester, you're not alone - it's just that your post was the one to sit with me. Disney makes a big fuss about the 18 summers we have (hmmmm...), as does this blog and this one and this one and this one and... well, you get the idea.)
The post was called "18 Summers. How many do yours have left?"
 |
| Sorry, www.thenester.com, but I'm picking a fight. Not just with you. See my "PS" at the end. Cool pic, though. |
A tear-jerking concept, I was afraid of being this woman: the summer waster who commented on this frightening post:
 |
| CUE HYPERVENTILATION |
Now let me ask you this question. I've made a cute little picture for it and everything, to match my Nester friend...
 |
| 18 of those, too. |
We only get 18 of everything - all to ourselves, that is. Or, if you are like my parents or John's, you get about 15 because we're slightly too independent for 18 (we spent our summers at camp). Maybe we get less. I pray to God we don't, I pray to God we get 18 of everything with The Caterpillar, but I also pray we get more - that we raise our kids to want to come back in the summer with their kids.
But here's the problem with the "18 Summers" concept: summer's HOT and MUGGY and brings on HEAT RASH and the nights are LONG and our kids are usually naked. When we confront ourselves with "oh no, only 18 summers!", we think we need to fill them entirely with zoo trips and sprinkler escapades and we really get down on ourselves when we just kind of lie on the carpet and play with toys and cry 'cause we're exhausted. Or 'cause our boobies hurt and breastfeeding is really not so simple. The anxiety sets in that we, as "Jenny B." said, wasted it.
And if we think in terms of "only 18 Christmases!", we start hiring Santa impersonators (or the real thing, if you can afford it and he's not too busy) and filling the tree with too many gifts and striving for perfection. We get scared that we're not doing our very best and - gulp - our 18 summers, and then 17 and 16, and eventually 9, then 7, then 4, then 1... were just not good enough. Did we make the last 18 years memorable and perfect?
I think that it's important to understand the fragility of our lives in general: as parents, as people, we only get to do this once and we should prioritize the fact that time is short for all of us. Make every single day as awesome as possible. Do your best. Whatever that is. But to make this a source of anxiety and a countdown is entirely missing the point.
A mother once told me that her despite her many attempts to create an amazing & memorable childhood for her girls, her daughter's significant childhood memory (the one that really stood out) was that one time when she fell off the pool ladder onto the deck, cracked her head open, bled, screamed and said mom (this is no lie) burst out laughing knowing her daughter was & would be just fine.
It's the little things, and sometimes just the every day real things, that make those 18 years memorable. Not the dozens of trips to the zoo / Wonderland / Great Wolf Lodge, although those are pretty cool once in a while too (and I'm stoked for them).
So, debunking the pile of crap that we only have 18 summers & you should monitor them carefully and perfectly, here's a little nugget of truth: we have 18 summers with our kids (maybe less, hopefully more), and no sister, you didn't blow this one. You didn't waste it. Neither did I, lying on the carpet and playing with toys.
(PS: Don't worry, The Nester, you're not alone - it's just that your post was the one to sit with me. Disney makes a big fuss about the 18 summers we have (hmmmm...), as does this blog and this one and this one and this one and... well, you get the idea.)
Monday, September 17, 2012
1-Week Free GAPS Diet Meal Plan
John and I have been falling on and off the bandwagon. We're hopping, if you will. Sometimes, fauxtatoes grace our dinner plate. Sometimes, ice cream. Fries. I don't know what is happening to us. Lack of discipline!
And I find that the more sugar / processed foods we eat, the more we want. It was so nice to see my pants getting big and my belt loop getting tighter.. so we're going to start fresh. ish.
This week, I have fully planned with full detail our meal plan. If you're considering the GAPS diet, consider this a free meal plan! People sell these things for ridiculous prices. Hence why we don't have one... now, I'm getting creative & resourceful & learning from my mistakes.
So here we go, filling in the GAPS for the week of September 17th!
Please remember: all of the below recipes are gluten-free and free of processed sugars and starches!
Snacks for the whole week
Applesauce
Pumpkin cookies
Fruit
Pumpkin smoothies
Yogurt
Almonds & cashews
 |
| Applesauce recipe from The Nourishing Cook |
Monday
Preparation
Make chicken broth
Make almond bread.
Make pumpkin cookies.
Make applesauce.
Breakfast
Yogurt, strawberries & almonds
Lunch
Spinach salad with berries & almonds
Dinner
Butternut squash crusted quiche
 |
| Quiche recipe from Health Home Happy |
Tuesday
Preparation
Set aside chicken broth, organs & brown meat from chicken broth (and more than 1/2 the white meat) for a friend.
Make more chicken broth afterwards for myself.
Make more yogurt.
Breakfast
Crepes with berries & honey
Lunch
Spinach salad with berries & almonds
Dinner
Butternut squash soup with almond bread
Wednesday
Preparation
Make whey
Breakfast
Egg mash
Lunch
Tomato, basil & parmesan soup with almond bread
Dinner
Pizza (gluten free crust)
Thursday
Preparation
Make ketchup
Get started on baked beans
Breakfast
Yogurt, berries & almonds
Lunch
Almond-crust pizza (leftover crust from Wednesday)
Dinner
Crepes with ricotta & asparagus
Friday
Preparation
Evaluate yogurt situation. We eat a lot.
Breakfast
Grain-free pancakes
Lunch
Leftovers from earlier in the week
Dinner: Cheat Night!
Mashed potatoes and sweet potato pie and carrots and dessert and... oh yeah, we're having our friends over for an early Thanksgiving!
Saturday
Baked beans that have been cookin' since Friday
and Leftovers!
 |
| Cheeseslave recipe for Baked Beans! |
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
My Perfect Day
I've heard it said that perfection can never be reached. Well, last Saturday I proved those pessimists WRONG by having what I like to call...
The Perfect Day.
I didn't plan to have The Perfect Day. It just sort of... happened. Moment by moment it became more perfect. And when I say perfect, I mean perfect to me. You may think the things I value are really useless and boring or messy and silly. To that I say, find your own perfect, friends.
So here's how it started:
4 AM there was a wakeup call. Her name was The Caterpillar. She nursed and demonstrated quite clearly that she had absolutely no intention of going back to sleep. Waking up to a beautiful, healthy baby girl? Perfection.
6 AM there was a realization. We were starving. And exhausted. Cooking breakfast was out of the question. But, there is something called a Coupon and we had one for McDonalds and for $6.48, we dined. Delicious hashbrown with a yummy egg McMuffin to top off a week of healthy eating (a reward?) Perfection.
7:30 AM, there was sleep. The Caterpillar napped. Mommy napped. Daddy worked.
10:00 AM (I say, 10 AM!) there was light. I woke up! I had slept in! A new version of sleeping in, but I did it for the first time in over 5 months!
10:30 AM, there was silence. John & The Caterpillar went for a walk and I sat in the quiet, just enjoying the fact that... it was quiet.
10:45 AM, I cleaned the bathroom. Perfect days don't excuse you from your chores.
11:00 AM, there was a bath. Bubbles. Epsom salt. Reading the Bible. I read through the book of Ezekiel, something I have never done before, and it was certainly weird. I prayed. It was a very relaxing time!
11:20 AM, I made guacamole. One half avocado, two tablespoons homemade yogurt, chile powder and crackers. I sat on the couch, looked out the window (in quiet, let me remind you) and I ate my most favourite food ever. Perfect.
11:30 AM, I played with my blog. Designed a new header and banner. Made one for a friend. Listened to Brooke Fraser (favourite!). And, perfect.
12:30 PM, family came home from their library excursion! It was so nice to see them feeling refreshed and "me". I want The Caterpillar and John to have glimpses (hopefully long ones) of the real Sam - not the exhausted, I-forgot-to-brush-my-hair Sam... the real one who is joyful and relaxed. I'm in there somewhere!
1:00 PM, The Caterpillar naps. Long, long, long nap. John & I played a game on the iPad. I think he won.
1:30 PM, my mom & grandmother popped by to - wait for it - babysit. The Caterpillar was in a deep sleep and we snuck out the door to the...
2:00 PM, DEMOLITION DERBY. In the pouring rain! Mud flying everywhere, car engines smoking, loud noises, lots of fun at the fall fair. We got soaked. It was awesome! Also, on our way, we ate pumpkin pie. Which is my hands-down favourite dessert ever.
3:00 PM, did a little work - picked up some flowers for our bridal show display the following day. They smelled amazing!
4:00 PM, hang out with the mama & the big momma.
5:00 PM, go for dinner with my dad at my favourite Thai restaurant north of Toronto.
This is what I call a perfect day.
Breakfast out,
Family time,
Bath time,
Bible time,
Alone time,
Guacamole time,
Blog time,
Husband time,
Rain,
Fall fair,
Pumpkin pie,
A little work,
Thai food.
The Perfect Day.
I didn't plan to have The Perfect Day. It just sort of... happened. Moment by moment it became more perfect. And when I say perfect, I mean perfect to me. You may think the things I value are really useless and boring or messy and silly. To that I say, find your own perfect, friends.
So here's how it started:
4 AM there was a wakeup call. Her name was The Caterpillar. She nursed and demonstrated quite clearly that she had absolutely no intention of going back to sleep. Waking up to a beautiful, healthy baby girl? Perfection.
6 AM there was a realization. We were starving. And exhausted. Cooking breakfast was out of the question. But, there is something called a Coupon and we had one for McDonalds and for $6.48, we dined. Delicious hashbrown with a yummy egg McMuffin to top off a week of healthy eating (a reward?) Perfection.
7:30 AM, there was sleep. The Caterpillar napped. Mommy napped. Daddy worked.
10:00 AM (I say, 10 AM!) there was light. I woke up! I had slept in! A new version of sleeping in, but I did it for the first time in over 5 months!
10:30 AM, there was silence. John & The Caterpillar went for a walk and I sat in the quiet, just enjoying the fact that... it was quiet.
10:45 AM, I cleaned the bathroom. Perfect days don't excuse you from your chores.
11:00 AM, there was a bath. Bubbles. Epsom salt. Reading the Bible. I read through the book of Ezekiel, something I have never done before, and it was certainly weird. I prayed. It was a very relaxing time!
11:20 AM, I made guacamole. One half avocado, two tablespoons homemade yogurt, chile powder and crackers. I sat on the couch, looked out the window (in quiet, let me remind you) and I ate my most favourite food ever. Perfect.
11:30 AM, I played with my blog. Designed a new header and banner. Made one for a friend. Listened to Brooke Fraser (favourite!). And, perfect.
12:30 PM, family came home from their library excursion! It was so nice to see them feeling refreshed and "me". I want The Caterpillar and John to have glimpses (hopefully long ones) of the real Sam - not the exhausted, I-forgot-to-brush-my-hair Sam... the real one who is joyful and relaxed. I'm in there somewhere!
1:00 PM, The Caterpillar naps. Long, long, long nap. John & I played a game on the iPad. I think he won.
1:30 PM, my mom & grandmother popped by to - wait for it - babysit. The Caterpillar was in a deep sleep and we snuck out the door to the...
2:00 PM, DEMOLITION DERBY. In the pouring rain! Mud flying everywhere, car engines smoking, loud noises, lots of fun at the fall fair. We got soaked. It was awesome! Also, on our way, we ate pumpkin pie. Which is my hands-down favourite dessert ever.
3:00 PM, did a little work - picked up some flowers for our bridal show display the following day. They smelled amazing!
4:00 PM, hang out with the mama & the big momma.
5:00 PM, go for dinner with my dad at my favourite Thai restaurant north of Toronto.
This is what I call a perfect day.
Breakfast out,
Family time,
Bath time,
Bible time,
Alone time,
Guacamole time,
Blog time,
Husband time,
Rain,
Fall fair,
Pumpkin pie,
A little work,
Thai food.
Saturday, September 8, 2012
Disillusioned with the Diaper
I'll be honest. I thought cloth diapering was supposed to look something like this:
But cloth diapering actually looks something like... actually, you don't want to see it. It involves a mess and poop and it's really wet and gross. Also, did you know you need a freaking hose to do this?
Here are the steps involved:
1. Pin down the baby. The Caterpillar's only 5 months, so I cannot imagine cloth diapering a toddler. My. God.
2. Maneuvre the buttons. For this you need to attend NASA Space Camp. We're switching to velcro.
3. Fold the hemp, all natural, super ridiculous and fat liner in a really creative way. Fold back two ends. Stuff it into the top of the diaper so that if she poops, it doesn't leak. Except it might anyway.
4. Snap the snaps back together. Accidentally pinch baby. Sorry, baby. Please still love me. I'm doing this FOR YOU, BABY, AND THE EARTH.
5. Fit the clothing over top of it. Now baby's bum is about 3x fatter than it ever was. You weren't prepared for this. Stretch out the clothing.
6. Wonder if this is all worth it?
7. Think long term finances. Yes, it is worth it.
John's words: "I don't like cloth diapers. Not a fan. I'd rather stick to disposables."
Please see the highly more optimistic blog about cloth diapering by my friend Brianna at This Rookie Wife. Coincidentally we started on the same day and have had quite similar experiences. (I promise I wrote this blog and THEN I saw hers! No copying!)
For note, I'm cloth diapering with AMP. Really I do love them. She hasn't leaked and they clean off really well. Day 2, mothers. Day 2.
If you have advice about how to cloth diaper effectively please let me know! (That's you, Christa & Emily!)
 |
| "Thank you Mama for saving the environment and helping us take one step closer to natural living!" |
Here are the steps involved:
1. Pin down the baby. The Caterpillar's only 5 months, so I cannot imagine cloth diapering a toddler. My. God.
2. Maneuvre the buttons. For this you need to attend NASA Space Camp. We're switching to velcro.
3. Fold the hemp, all natural, super ridiculous and fat liner in a really creative way. Fold back two ends. Stuff it into the top of the diaper so that if she poops, it doesn't leak. Except it might anyway.
4. Snap the snaps back together. Accidentally pinch baby. Sorry, baby. Please still love me. I'm doing this FOR YOU, BABY, AND THE EARTH.
5. Fit the clothing over top of it. Now baby's bum is about 3x fatter than it ever was. You weren't prepared for this. Stretch out the clothing.
6. Wonder if this is all worth it?
7. Think long term finances. Yes, it is worth it.
John's words: "I don't like cloth diapers. Not a fan. I'd rather stick to disposables."
Please see the highly more optimistic blog about cloth diapering by my friend Brianna at This Rookie Wife. Coincidentally we started on the same day and have had quite similar experiences. (I promise I wrote this blog and THEN I saw hers! No copying!)
For note, I'm cloth diapering with AMP. Really I do love them. She hasn't leaked and they clean off really well. Day 2, mothers. Day 2.
If you have advice about how to cloth diaper effectively please let me know! (That's you, Christa & Emily!)
Friday, August 31, 2012
Baby in the Office
There are days when I wake up and forget to brush my teeth (gross, right?) because baby has cried through the night, and the sink is filled up with yesterday's dishes, and the laundry is right overflowing, and - oh, yeah - I have two weddings lined up for editing and three brides who need some intensive wedding day consultations. Also, our personal budget could use a little adjusting (rent's coming out soon, right?)
These days, I have never felt so fulfilled.
Choosing to live as a working mother is not an idealized option in our current North American worldviews: us ladies are always under criticism for working too much or not enough; it's as though we need to make the choice between perfect home and perfect paycheque. My goal is to find a happy medium between the two: I have always aspired to have a fulfilling career, and while John and I both have the spirit of entrepreneurialism, we are family people too. Can I have both?
A year and a half ago, I began (and ended) my first day of a corporate career which resulted in a tumbling forward of moving to the country from the city, pushing for a more aggressive business startup and starting a family. It's been a whirlwind of a learning experience and we're having a blast. Sometimes we're having an explosion in one way or another (good or bad), but usually it's just a blast.
Right now it seems that we're juggling it all, but that's not always a good thing. This past summer has taught me a lot about myself as a mother, wife and business owner and I thought I'd share my experiences so far with you. You know, considering that my blogging hiatus has been sort of insane.
The Priority List
I have ranted and raved about my love for priority listing, and I feel like this is a great area to apply the habit for me. I started out this experience in a very un-prioritized way: I believe that there were a couple of weeks where I gave The Caterpillar less than she deserved, and I repent of that mistake. In response I've decided to make her number one for my 9-5 priority. Everything else will be okay. Some days, I find myself overwhelmed about how to keep the house in check and the emails in check and the baby happy and the husband loved up, but I look to my priority list for the day (and trust me, the priorities change day by day), say a quick prayer and move forward. I don't claim to do this well every day (nooo ma'am), but I'm working on simplifying what I give my time and energy to and doing each thing well.
It Takes Two of Us
Do I think that I could handle being a mom-wife-employee without my husband within thirty feet of me, all day? No sir. Some women do. Good for them. Not I. John works in our at-home office most of the time and in our kitchen some of the time. Not only do I enjoy my husband's constant presence, but I need it. John puts in a solid forty five to fifty hours of work a week (reasonable for a would-be workaholic), but he also puts The Caterpillar to sleep at nap time (because I just can't, more to come on that later); joins me for lunch in the dining room (and sometimes cooks it); and is constantly throwing in a new load of laundry. Him meeting me in the middle of my "homemaking" responsibilities means that I can meet him in the middle of his "professional" responsibilities.
I Work While She Sleeps & Eats
Now, I can't claim to be a voice of all working moms. I don't do shifts, and 8 times out of 10 I'm not out of the house. 6 times out of 10 I'm not even on the phone. The Caterpillar can be in my arms or in a toy-chair while I work, but it's often most prudent for me as a mother to spend quality time with her while she's in play mode and spend quality time working while she is not available for playing. I realize that I'm extremely fortunate as a mother to be able to work inconsistently through the day, a few hours here, twenty minutes there, and I have learned that in order to get the best out of me in every way, I should work while she sleeps and eats.
The Beauty of the One Computer (For Now)
You may have heard me complain about the one-computer lifestyle that our family has, but in secret, I like it. I can't work in Lightroom while John works in Final Cut Pro. Just not possible. Having only one of us available to use the computer (and the computer available for one of us) means that the other can really give The Caterpillar the attention she deserves. I'm not sure if this will suffice for the remainder of our work-family life, but for now, one computer is a blessing.
Attachment Parenting + Working from Home = Possible
We are already finding that attachment parenting is paying off. Already! Although we're curbing co-sleeping (she's becoming good friends with her crib), the fact that The Caterpillar experiences everything we experience (as opposed to watching everything we experience) is making her such an engaged and curious baby. Of course, non-attachement-parented babies can also be engaged and curious, but I say, you should SEE THIS GIRL.
Can We Keep This Up?
We do plan to have more children - maybe not tomorrow (definitely not tomorrow), but we want our family to grow, God willing. I hope to goodness that this lifestyle is one we can continue. It is very likely that we'll need to bring in help two or so days a week so that I can have undivided work time while The Caterpillar toddles around, and I don't see anything wrong with this. My goal is to have her at home with me so I can still nurse and give her the attention she deserves. Let's see how well this goal comes to life.
I think my conclusion is no: I cannot have both the perfect home and the perfect paycheque. But, I can have a pretty great home and a reasonable paycheque, too.
These days, I have never felt so fulfilled.
Choosing to live as a working mother is not an idealized option in our current North American worldviews: us ladies are always under criticism for working too much or not enough; it's as though we need to make the choice between perfect home and perfect paycheque. My goal is to find a happy medium between the two: I have always aspired to have a fulfilling career, and while John and I both have the spirit of entrepreneurialism, we are family people too. Can I have both?
A year and a half ago, I began (and ended) my first day of a corporate career which resulted in a tumbling forward of moving to the country from the city, pushing for a more aggressive business startup and starting a family. It's been a whirlwind of a learning experience and we're having a blast. Sometimes we're having an explosion in one way or another (good or bad), but usually it's just a blast.
Right now it seems that we're juggling it all, but that's not always a good thing. This past summer has taught me a lot about myself as a mother, wife and business owner and I thought I'd share my experiences so far with you. You know, considering that my blogging hiatus has been sort of insane.
The Priority List
I have ranted and raved about my love for priority listing, and I feel like this is a great area to apply the habit for me. I started out this experience in a very un-prioritized way: I believe that there were a couple of weeks where I gave The Caterpillar less than she deserved, and I repent of that mistake. In response I've decided to make her number one for my 9-5 priority. Everything else will be okay. Some days, I find myself overwhelmed about how to keep the house in check and the emails in check and the baby happy and the husband loved up, but I look to my priority list for the day (and trust me, the priorities change day by day), say a quick prayer and move forward. I don't claim to do this well every day (nooo ma'am), but I'm working on simplifying what I give my time and energy to and doing each thing well.
It Takes Two of Us
Do I think that I could handle being a mom-wife-employee without my husband within thirty feet of me, all day? No sir. Some women do. Good for them. Not I. John works in our at-home office most of the time and in our kitchen some of the time. Not only do I enjoy my husband's constant presence, but I need it. John puts in a solid forty five to fifty hours of work a week (reasonable for a would-be workaholic), but he also puts The Caterpillar to sleep at nap time (because I just can't, more to come on that later); joins me for lunch in the dining room (and sometimes cooks it); and is constantly throwing in a new load of laundry. Him meeting me in the middle of my "homemaking" responsibilities means that I can meet him in the middle of his "professional" responsibilities.
I Work While She Sleeps & Eats
Now, I can't claim to be a voice of all working moms. I don't do shifts, and 8 times out of 10 I'm not out of the house. 6 times out of 10 I'm not even on the phone. The Caterpillar can be in my arms or in a toy-chair while I work, but it's often most prudent for me as a mother to spend quality time with her while she's in play mode and spend quality time working while she is not available for playing. I realize that I'm extremely fortunate as a mother to be able to work inconsistently through the day, a few hours here, twenty minutes there, and I have learned that in order to get the best out of me in every way, I should work while she sleeps and eats.
 |
| It's been looking a little something like this. |
The Beauty of the One Computer (For Now)
You may have heard me complain about the one-computer lifestyle that our family has, but in secret, I like it. I can't work in Lightroom while John works in Final Cut Pro. Just not possible. Having only one of us available to use the computer (and the computer available for one of us) means that the other can really give The Caterpillar the attention she deserves. I'm not sure if this will suffice for the remainder of our work-family life, but for now, one computer is a blessing.
Attachment Parenting + Working from Home = Possible
We are already finding that attachment parenting is paying off. Already! Although we're curbing co-sleeping (she's becoming good friends with her crib), the fact that The Caterpillar experiences everything we experience (as opposed to watching everything we experience) is making her such an engaged and curious baby. Of course, non-attachement-parented babies can also be engaged and curious, but I say, you should SEE THIS GIRL.
Can We Keep This Up?
We do plan to have more children - maybe not tomorrow (definitely not tomorrow), but we want our family to grow, God willing. I hope to goodness that this lifestyle is one we can continue. It is very likely that we'll need to bring in help two or so days a week so that I can have undivided work time while The Caterpillar toddles around, and I don't see anything wrong with this. My goal is to have her at home with me so I can still nurse and give her the attention she deserves. Let's see how well this goal comes to life.
I think my conclusion is no: I cannot have both the perfect home and the perfect paycheque. But, I can have a pretty great home and a reasonable paycheque, too.
Friday, August 10, 2012
Losing my Head in Cancun
Travel with a four month old? Nottaproblem. Of course. We can do anything.
You know, I'll be honest. I was going to write a "how to travel with an infant" post on return to Canada, but after four days of NOT knowing how to travel with an infant, I've discovered that would be along the lines of blind-leading-blind, one of my greatest pet peeves of bloggers/people. I think I'll wait for Emily from Our Nest in the City to teach us a lesson (after all, she's a true infant-travelling vet and there's GOT to be a post on the issue coming soon).
Instead, let me tell you about how not to travel with an infant.
So do it. Travel with your infant. Lose your head in Cancun.
You know, I'll be honest. I was going to write a "how to travel with an infant" post on return to Canada, but after four days of NOT knowing how to travel with an infant, I've discovered that would be along the lines of blind-leading-blind, one of my greatest pet peeves of bloggers/people. I think I'll wait for Emily from Our Nest in the City to teach us a lesson (after all, she's a true infant-travelling vet and there's GOT to be a post on the issue coming soon).
Instead, let me tell you about how not to travel with an infant.
- Don't decide that her schedule will adapt to yours, because sister, it won't. She naps at 10 AM / 2 PM / 6 PM your time? Time shift with her. In Cancun, we're working on 9 AM / 1 PM / 5 PM. Discovered this truth nugget on day 1.
- Don't turn down help.
- Don't have unrealistic expectations. Travelling is different than it used to be. We did see this one coming, but I suppose we didn't expect to be spending so much time in our hotel room as opposed to beside the pool. Day 2.
- Don't assume that she can sleep anywhere. She can't. Captain Distracto is four months old and any interesting sound, voice, accent, change in the colour of the sky... that'll keep her up. This is a day 3 lesson.
- Don't let her eat the bath water. The Caterpillar has figured out scooping water into her mouth. Wonderful. Maybe this has something to do with her nasty green poops. Or it could be the guacamole. Thankfully, she's rotavirus protected. Day 4.
- Don't think you can pack too many diapers. You can't. Diaper reserves are getting low and I'm getting more concerned about the ever-increased diaper wetting. Typically, she powers through 8 to 10 diapers a day. Somehow, we're moved up to 10 to 12 - significantly out of planning range. Day 4.
- Don't eat like you're on vacation. Sugar still acts like sugar, even in Cancun, meaning sugar keeps baby awake, meaning long, long, long sleepless nights. Day 2, 3 and 4.
- Don't go it alone. Yesterday John shot a wedding for 9 hrs. while I.. well, I went it alone. There was a little gnashing of teeth / tearing of cloth going on in my mind. I think I officially went gray. :( Day 4.
- Don't give up. Earlier today, I gave up. I cried on a pool deck, after ten minutes of baby-crying and searching for shade while trying to walk and nurse. I was, quite literally, a hot mess. My saving grace? One woman who came to lend a hand and said, with just the right dosage of empathy, "I remember those days". Those days are long days. They're beautiful days. They're filled with joy and learning and love. But yes, they're long, even in Cancun. John had ten minutes in between locations he was needed at and was able to give me a pair of free hands and a breather. I un-gave up, but if I had continued riding the give up train, oh gosh, this resort would have needed an evacuation. If I give up, The Caterpillar gives up, we all give up - there are many tears.
And there you have it. 9 do-nots of travelling with an infant. But that's not all - I have one more final do-not to close the post: - Do not stay at home and opt out of world travel and "wait 'till she's older", because despite all of the chaos and sometimes frustration, we've had so many laughs and so much fun with our Caterpillar in Cancun. This has strengthened my faith in the fact that we CAN do this - and maybe Scotland, or England, or Thailand, or Russia, and maybe the long list of places on our bucket list won't need to wait until we're retired. Together, John and I are having experiences that we'll be able to laugh about for years to come, and like with any new experience, this has been an awesome opportunity for our marriage to grow even stronger.
So do it. Travel with your infant. Lose your head in Cancun.
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