What Is Community?

I was out for coffee the other day with a friend and we were discussing what the next season looked like in life for us as we are both in somewhat of a transitional phase and feel that new (exciting? scary? wonderful?) things might be coming, whatever that might mean. And of course, me being a mom of three, children came up and I started sharing my must-have list of things I personally believe you need to have in line before kids start to come along. Or while they come along. Or whenever you can.

The list is short and comprises one thing: Community.

No number of baby registry items or rooms in a house or square footage in a backyard can help you navigate having a family like community can. Having people around us to ease the burden, pat you on the back and recite the old faithful "I've been there, sister/brother" has been the key to our surviving and (usually, not always) thriving while having three kids in four years and running a business and facing the challenges life has thrown our way in the last few years. I mean, look at the posts that go viral on the internet: They're the ones that say "hey mom, you're doing great" / "don't worry, you're not alone" / "did you know that dads are totally capable human beings?". We need support and we don't know where to get it from.

But it was then that I realized that the word "Community" is sort of elusive. When I said "Community", she said "by that, what do you mean?" and it was a fair question, because we all have our own definitions and versions of what community looks and feels like to us.

To many I think that Community can mean a group of support people in line to help, and it can mean paid. It can mean daycare, it can mean a housecleaner, it can mean a bookkeeper, it can mean a life coach. Those things definitely can help build a support network and they are wonderful additions to life if you need them to help ease burdens... but they aren't really community. They are a support network, and a safety net and they're great things - but they're not community.

Community is an authentic coming together of people from a variety of backgrounds, lifestyles and socioeconomic statuses that agree to hold one another up during the ins and outs of daily life. Community is built around backyard campfires. Or dinner around a table. It's created when there is a mutual (probably unspoken) decision to get real with each other. Community was me having coffee with that friend over a table talking about our fears, struggles and passions in our career and life choices.

Community is based on a sense of vulnerability and an understanding that we are all being real together, which means that when my husband and I are in financial straits, we tell our friends to pray. It means that we watch each other's kids and go apple picking together. It means that we follow up with how job interviews went and how sleep training is going and it means building fences together or helping one another move. Community is living the in and out rhythm of life together, whether things are good or bad or hard or busy or boring. It's a you-know-I'm-there-for-you-no-matter-what kind of life and it extends beyond family.

Sounds a little mystical, am I right? It's not. Next post I'll be sharing about how to find community, and finally I'll share how to build it. These are just brief thoughts from our own experiences, but if you want to hear some excellent opinions from actual grownups that know what they're talking about, I'd recommend this book and this one and also this one.

'Till next time.