Book Review: Loveology's Ch 4 "Reverse Engineering, The One, And Other Things - Like Unicorns"

I guess you could say I'm a sucker for a good chapter title. Tell me, JMC (that's what we call him around our house... John Mark Comer is cool, but JMC? Unbeatable), what is Reverse Engineering? Who is The One? And what are the other things, like Unicorns?

If you're just stopping in, let me get you acquainted. Hello, my name is Sam, and I'm part of a blog tour to review each chapter of the book Loveology by John Mark Comer, released February 4 2014 (it's fresh!) and available for purchase here. Today I'll be reviewing chapter 4: Reverse Engineering, The One, and Other Things - Like Unicorns. Nice to meet you. I'll be shamelessly plugging the sale of the book, and no, I'm not being paid to do this.

If you've been following the tour, tell me how cool is it to see ideas about marriage translated into real-life application of marriage? It's cool. It sure is.

At first when John and I read Reverse Engineering... we had a beef with it. I'm just bein' honest. We started reading, and thought "yes! a chapter just for us, married people!", and then shortly afterwards realized the chapter was not just for us, married people, it was for anyone ever. I was kind of annoyed! I instinctively thought, pick your audience, JMC. Marrieds or unmarrieds? Choose one. and I wrote it off a little. I wanted something I could relate to 100% of the time: something called, I Wrote This Chapter For You, Sam.

And then my brain clicked in. I like when it does that.

"Reverse Engineering" (Comer's term) is this: God created you, with all of your mess, and sees you as you currently are as well as who you are becoming in the fullness of creation.

With that, Reverse Engineering... is a chapter for anyone that is looking for an identity: whether that's in themselves, or in someone (or something) they can't shake. It's a chapter for anyone looking to find that person or thing or style or whatever, to align themselves with to say "yes, this is me, this is where I stand" and Comer reminds them (us) of the faulty nature of anything that isn't God.

Is that you? It was me when I first got married.

Comer uses the chapter to take the pressure off of yourself, and off of your spouse, from being your source of fulfillment. He debunks the idea that you get married and get happy. He promotes the idea that you get married, and you stay basically the same as you were before, except have fun working it out with this work-in-progress you committed your life to.

That said, there is no The One. You're never going to find your "missing half" because there is no completion in anything but Jesus.

And then he throws in some other things which you should read. I won't give it all away.

But let's go back to Reverse Engineering. This is the part that stuck out to me, and here's why:

On page 63, Comer talks about the fact that as Christians, we are always being re-created, and God intends for us to one day look like we did on the day of creation. Here's my take from this: In marriage, as Christians, we are called to see our spouse in the way that God sees them, in the fullness of their potential, while still seeing them as the work in progress that they are - and having grace for that along the way.

For me? That means not making John my knight-in-shining-armour, because every time I do, he doesn't save me in the way I need to be saved. I have to take him off of the pedestal because he is only a man. And he needs to do the same. Except that I'm not only a man. I'm just a short pregnant lady.

I'll leave you with the quote that stood out to me from this chapter: I feel that it applies to all people, married or hoping to one day be.

"Don't get married because you think he or she is 'the one'. Trust me, they're not. There's no such thing! But do get married when you see who God is making someone to be, and it lights you up. When you want to be a part of that story of transformation. That journey to the future. When you are well aware it will be a long and bumpy ride, but you don't want to miss one mile. Because you believe in God's calling on them, and you want in."