Silence the Lambs: On Kids' Music That Sucks.

When The Caterpillar was about three months old, I thought it was a fair time to invest in some kids' music to improve the playtime quality in our home. You know, a little somethin' somethin' to get us in the mood to play and relax.

As any good Christian would, I first turned to the best selling CD, Sunday School Sing Along by Fisher Price. Fisher Price: Classic. Successful. Sunday School songs: I know them. We can all learn and sing together.

What I was incredibly disappointed to find was a disc full of adults plugging their nose to incorrectly sing Dhis Diddle Wight of Mine (aptly renamed in our home, "Make Your Kid Stupid").

Of course, we have nothing against This Little Light or Father Abraham or Kumbaya - all very important songs to know and grow up to, as they encourage hope and peace in this troubling world.

What we do have a problem with is adults dumbing down their voices to sound like congested children.

What we do have a problem with is poorly crafted hand puppets dancing on a black cardboard background. (I'm talking to you, billion-dollar-industry-with-the-lowest-overhead-ever, Baby Einstein.)

I'd like to make a confession: I have used the Baby Einstein videos to temporarily silence The Caterpillar. In the car. I've done it before, I'll do it again. You should see her eyes as she watches the puppets flash across the screen, merged with images of farms and windmills and skies. It's hypnotizing. I'm not quite sure it's healthy, but it's hypnotizing, and when the moment calls, do what you gotta do.

But I believe that there does exist in this world calming, peaceful and creative children's music which will not zap a human brain into mush.

So I set on a mission to find good children's music. Music which is not only enjoyable for The Caterpillar to play along to, but for John and I to listen to as well. Without wanting to scratch our ears off.

What about Kindie, you ask?

There's this new fad (circa 2007) called "Kindie", which is supposedly a mix of kid-friendly Indie-style music to appease parents. I'd say definitely not. What is classified as "Kindie" is a little more like grunge rock for kids whose parents, you know, enjoy grunge rock (ie. They Might Be Giants - Malcom in the Middle theme song, "Boss of Me").  This is not indie. This is grunge.

What is a little more preferable in our home is folk & reggae when it comes to our daughter. I'm sure if children's music came wrapped in hardcore, we'd find a way to squeeze that in, too.

Remember, the mission here is good, peaceful, creative, calming music. If what I wanted was dance pop, I wouldn't have a tough time. (Currently the favourite song for my 10-month-old to dance to is "Locked Out of Heaven". Which is horrifying and hilarious.)

So with easy, non-patronizing soft / bearable listening in mind, I thought I'd share my findings with you.

Cue Elizabeth Mitchell.
Her entire children's discography is incredible, and I especially love her latest album Blue Clouds. If you hear the song I Wish You Well, and you don't tear up, you are heartless. Click her link to find her website & other songs (Catch the Moon is not my favourite, but it's all I could find!)




 A little Ziggy Marley.
Ziggy turns Bob's songs into children's music in addition to a variety of originals. As though I needed another reason to be jammin'.   

Some Karen O And the Kids.
I haven't heard anything from Karen O And The Kids other than The Wild Things soundtrack - but it's a great soundtrack. Very relaxing and calming for kiddos.   

The mom-and-baby friendly Vered.
I think Vered's music is geared specifically towards mothers, and developing a bond between them and the child (the songs are basically narratives of every baby's instinctual actions). Very cute for baby playtime.

And of course, Jack Johnson.
The soundtrack for Curious George is stunning. Excellent easy dance tunes and sleepy songs.

So there you have it: Those are my top 5 new children's artists and my recommendations for you, if you're looking for calming, relaxing kids' music that does not suck.

If you're just looking for a little playtime fun jams and 0% quality control, Songza is what you need.

Enjoy.