Before I write this, a little disclaimer:
John and I have a good marriage. One where we fiercely love each other unconditionally. I really wouldn't trade our marriage for the world and I thank God daily for my amazing man. Both of us accept and celebrate the fact that this life would not be nearly what it is without each other's support and love. But we're in a good marriage that needs to be constantly protected in order to stay good, because it's comprised of 2 people and good marriages don't "just happen" when you smush together 2 people.
Disclaimer done.
Commence post.
I have friends that love me and I love them. Which means they're friends who deliver hard truth to my doorstep on, you know, a regular basis. Enough so that you may notice there are Mondays on which there are no "Marriage Monday" posts - that's because if my marriage isn't in a state where I'd like to use us as an example, I won't fake it 'till we make it. Instead I'll wait until God has taught us something new and then you'll find a post... maybe on a Thursday.
A few months back during Bible study, us ladies were having a conversation about family, being wives, and our lovely husbands. Specifically, we were chatting about the struggles our men face in the world (and there are more than a few) when one of us said that she finds it helpful to pray for her husband daily.
I was floored. I think the whole group must have watched my jaw literally drop to the ground, bounce back slamming into my teeth, and dangle gently from what used to be my face.
Out loud, I blurted "You pray for him? I've never thought of that."
And I don't think I said very much for the rest of our time together. Which is unusual, let's just say that.
What a good idea, I thought! Pray for him. Taking the responsibility of worrying over his choices and safety out of my hands and into God's. Bringing to God my complaints, my frustrations, the things I want to change... ah, change. I started putting together a little checklist of "okay, I'll ask God for that.. and then I'll tell him about that.. and if he could do just a little something about that..." and, a few weeks later (after a frantic phone conversation with a close friend), I ordered the Power of a Praying Wife series. Actually, I was in a flurry. I had meant to order the book, but instead I got the workbook / devotional and a book of prayers - no book in sight. I was a little frustrated when I checked my order online but thought, you know what? I don't need the book - I get the point of praying for your husband, I'll just do the workbook instead.
Until I opened up page 1 of the workbook. "Read chapters 1 and 2, and then proceed." She should have added: "Get on your knees, read chapters 1 and 2, and prepare to be kicked in the tush". Borrowing the actual book from a resourceful friend whose living room is prettymuch the bestseller list of a Christian bookstore, I started reading about how I was going to change John through God.
So here's how the author, Stormie Omartian, rocked my stupid little worldly mindset:
"The hard part about being a praying wife, other than the sacrifice of time, is maintaining a pure heart".
Whoops.
"Sometimes wives sabotage their own prayers because they don't pray them from a right heart."
Whoops whoops.
Next followed three days of trudging through chapter one of my workbook. Understanding where I need to change. Learning that "it is better to live alone in the desert than with a quarrelsome, complaining wife" (Proverbs 21:19). Finding out that before I can approach God with prayers for John, I need to get to a level of respect, admiration and appreciation for John that takes constant loving work (and not the bad kind of work - just real effort because we're sinful people and that kind of stuff doesn't come naturally).
I learned that the things that don't bother God about John (this includes remnants from shaving left in the sink, or the ever present coffee mug by the computer which according to science should be growing mold), shouldn't bother me about John. God cares about John's work, his struggles, his emotions, his integrity, his journey. And that's where I should draw the line too.
So there goes my list I was so amped to bring before God. I need a new one. Before I become a praying wife, I need to become a wife with a heart coming from a place of desiring protection, peace, and joy over our family - nothing more, nothing less. Am I there? No man, I finished chapter 1 yesterday. I'm just bringing you into the journey with me because I want you to see that becoming a praying wife is possible - even if you're as messed up as I am.
What does it mean to pray for your husband? I'm learning. As a matter of fact, I think I'm just starting chapter 2 of Loving Wife Boot Camp. Mixed into our regular Marriage Mondays, I hope to share more with you about how becoming a praying wife is changing myself and our marriage, because I believe it will through nothing but God's grace. There is nothing else in the world that could handle this load.
this is awesome, while i was reading the post I was thinking "I hope she writes another one on this topic" and yay, you are. Think I'm going to pick the book up too! I read a book similar to this back when I first became a Christian, called The Way of Agape, by Nancy Missler, and it was a huge eye opener.
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