Coming Out of the (Cosleeping) Closet

We co-sleep. There, I said it people, light your torches and prepare to beat down the door of my house.

I never planned to co-sleep. As an avid researcher of all things parenting, Pregnant Sam knew full well that co-sleeping was not the safest - or most popular - or most recommended - sleeping choice for the first year of a child's life. As a matter of fact, Health Canada has issued a warning against cosleeping and highly recommends that families not share their bed with young children.

All fair enough.

But then along came The Caterpillar.

Here we have a baby who has practically forced us to adopt the style of Attachment Parenting, a concept made popular by Dr. Sears (love him or hate him) which guides parents to view their child as, basically, an extra limb. Attached. Tethered. Really no room for independence. She will not stand to be alone.

Sounds awful, right? Time magazine critics certainly made a fuss about it a few months back (remember, that time a 3-year old had a Mama Snack perching from a stool while the world's most classic style MILF (sorry) posed unassumingly?). And most of us truly are uncomfortable with the idea of an attached baby... I hear, so often, "you really should let her have some independence".

But here's the thing: it's not awful.  I "wear" her more often than I put her in a stroller, I do my best to breastfeed on demand, I'm not the world's biggest fan of the "crying it out" technique (but goodness knows I've done it), and, yes, I bring her into my bed. Actually, WE bring her into OUR bed - as I should be clear that this is a-ok with John. Somewhere along the way, we became Attachment Parents.

 And it doesn't suck. Actually, it's great. Ever heard of a 14 year old crawling into bed with mom and dad? Me neither. I'm not worried about her independence - she'll have it for years and years to come. She's 12 weeks old for crying out loud. This very brief time of needing me is one I'm going to savour - not anymore because I have to, but because it won't last much longer and I want to.

So no, it's not the safest, but it can be wonderful, and quite frankly I am tired of it being an "in the closet" issue. It's not something us moms like to admit, or even talk about in general - not because it's bad, but because there is such a strong stigma about it. It's popular in practice (more families bedshare than will tell you), but it's not popular.

Ads like this don't help the stigma either.

So can babies sleeping on tummies. And surrounded by what appears to be very expensive down-filled duvets.

What I think the cosleeping issue comes down to is the age-old mommy vs. mommy judgement problem. Time asked if we're "Mom Enough" to attachment parent, but I think the real question should be if we're "Mom Enough" to back the hell off and learn from each other.

So, yeah, we cosleep. We don't plan to do it forever. We do it safely.

Attachment parenting is great for us, and if something else works for you, please do it. I will not be going back into the closet.
 
{Oh, and a few words about safety: it is not the "safest" sleeping option. There are risks: a big effort needs to be made in keeping babies away from pillows, soft mattresses / surfaces (mattress must be very firm), headboards, wall crevices, the edge of the bed, and baby should not be brought in bed with an intoxicated person, a very tired (won't wake up kind) person, obese people, and restless sleepers. The "safest" option is a baby in a crib with no blankets or toys and in mom and dad's bedroom. But it's not expressly unsafe either, when carried out properly. SIDS is a risk for all babies, and nobody knows what causes it or why it's an issue, but research has proven that a baby in the presence of mum (and this includes a crib in parents' room) is at lower risk and cosleeping does fit in here.}

So, you want to Co-Sleep? Do it safely!

• Do not have pillows near baby at all. Mom, that means you're sleeping without a pillow.
• Do not have thick blankets near baby at all. Just a sheet is the best, tucked around the tummy.
• There are great co-sleepers (like the Arms Reach co-sleeper) which work great if you can get one. Unfortunately things like this don't work for us because once The Caterpillar is asleep, we can't move her!
• Don't put baby between mom & dad.
• Don't put baby between mom & wall or other crevices.
• Don't have other kids / babies in the bed.
• Don't have pets in the bed.
• To keep baby from rolling, tuck a sheet over mom / over baby's legs / under baby's bum and legs / under mom (like a burrito).
• Put baby on his/her back to sleep.
• Purchase & use a breathable guardrail.
• Remove any potential crevices / cracks / suffocation situations.
• Do your research. Dr. Sears has a lot of great co-sleeping information which is easy to read.