Lessons from Month 1

I've only been a mother for one month but it feels as though I've always known The Caterpillar.

What it doesn't feel like is that I've always known the tricks of the trade. 'Cause I still don't. Read all the books you want, ladies, but you will never be "ready" to be a mama.  "Prepared", sure. "Educated", definitely. "Ready?" No.

That said, here is the information that no books or fancy website were able to teach me about month 1. The stuff I was really not ready for. OK, Go.

It's alright - no, it's REALLY GOOD - to trust myself and my husband.
Just like in pregnancy, people love to offer their opinions, and they're definitely valuable to hear out but at the end of the day, I have to trust my own decisions and what I know to be right for John, myself, and our child.

For example, there is someone near and dear to me who doesn't believe that babies express their hunger before they start crying... but they do. The Caterpillar, at least, has an excellent method of saying (by rooting) "alright mama-lady, I'm hungry and I'm not going to freak out yet" (we've got a patient little girl on our hands, so far) - however, my dear loved one doesn't see rooting sans-screaming as a sign of hunger and has given me a really hard time for feeding The Caterpillar before she cries.

However, The Caterpillar was recently weighed and although she's gaining a healthy amount of weight, she's on the low-end of weight gain, despite my feeding her before crying.

I know in my heart that had I not trusted my own instincts, The Caterpillar would be under-gaining. I'm really glad I listened to myself on this one.

Sleep is awesome.
You know that old advice, "sleep when baby sleeps"? That's good advice. The days when I don't sleep when baby sleeps, I resemble a gremlin by 7 PM. Not good.

I've also learned that, like a baby, I have the ability to sleep anywhere if I'm tired enough.


The first 2 weeks are truly the hardest.
At my baby shower, I received a card with some excellent advice from a friend - the best advice (that I kept reading over, and over, and over again until day 15), was that the first 2 weeks are the hardest. It gets better. And it's true, it does. The first two weeks for me were a blur of pain, too many visitors, too many people texting to ask to visit, too little sleep, and a lot of learning. Learning to change a diaper / learning to bath a squirmy, slippery, teeny human / learning how to hold back tears, just for a few minutes / learning how to say no / learning to ask for help / learning to remember to eat...

But it gets better.

Babies are fantastic communicators.
And not just through cries! Sometimes I'm amazed that The Caterpillar can't talk... it's as though this little lady is telecommunicating with me. I'm not saying I always know what she wants, 'cause most of the time it's a series of "is she clean / hungry / uncomfortable / tired"? But she does have distinct ways of communicating to help us figure out which one of the above she is.

Also, if you're a frantic mama, don't even bother looking up "What Do Baby Cries Mean?" on YouTube because it will be an epic waste of your time.

Asking for help = lifesaving.
John and I wrote a blog about this for Marriage Monday, but in short: when I ask for help, it lets me take a breath. There are a myriad of people who will be able to help you, and they won't mind if you call on them - even if it's just a simple "hold this SCREAMING BABY while I brush my TEETH please."

If you love your baby, you're alright.
I needed to hear this - I still need to hear this - so often it's insane. Thank God for supportive friends, my husband and my parents who were so quick to give me a hug and let me know (even if it wasn't always 100% true) I was the best mama ever. Words I needed to hear.

If you know John and I, you know we couldn't be more different in our personalities. I am your classic Type A, and he is your classic Type B: stupid romantic comedies are made about how badly our personalities are supposed to fit together. (We usually defy the odds.)

That said, imagine how different our parenting styles are. In just a month, we've needed to remind each other, kindly, about ten thousand times to back the smack off and nobody gets hurt. Little things like diaper changes and bathtime and how we carry her and rock her and soothe her are so different! But we love her. And we're alright.

(On that note, John pre-emptively emailed me this article which may not be bad for parents of all ages to look at.)

Recovery sucks.
My apologies, I should be more specific and vulgar: Recovery sucks hairy balls. Not for everyone, but it does for me. I got what Taco Bell would call the "Postpartum Nightmare Supreme" (PNS) topped with extra beans and salsa. If you've followed my birth story, you already know that in the 12 hours following my super awesome birth, I hemmoraged and needed a DNC and transfusion and I blew up like a huge puffy balloon and was a pale mess who could barely move for a week. Score.

Well, a week after my PNS, I was checked back in the hospital for the day thanks to a lovely wound infection I received, probably because of the DNC (this is what the surgeon told me). This was essentially a recovery re-set. So, although recovery takes 4 - 6 weeks for most women, I'm looking at 6 - 8... and, sigh, I'm only at week 4.

Somewhere along the line I also got something called candida, which essentially affects breastfeeding and makes it feel like there is glass coming out of me and into The Caterpillar's mouth. Thankfully this is 99% gone.

Anyway, this is my chance to be a whiner and say "I can't wait to feel like ME again".

Nevermind the extra belly/everywhere flab and stretch marks accumulated over 9 months, I can deal with that.

There is nothing like time to myself.
Not that I'm begging for a lot of it, but ten minutes a day just to myself - to paint my nails or write a blog or have a bath - goes so far! If possible I would recommend to every single mom to do this.

I can raise a family.
 I won't lie, I feel pretty empowered right now. I am a mother and I take everything that comes with that. I don't know if at this point I can subscribe to being a full-time stay-at-home-r until my kids have moved out - if I could work for myself part-time writing or editing like I did during pregnancy, that would be ideal - but I can do the family thang. And I can do it well, as long as I have John to stand by.