Repentance

My (amazing) husband & I have moved into our new home, all thanks to the greatly appreciated help of friends & family. We love it. It did smell a little like cats, which is not the most welcome scent to the nose of a pregnant (!!!) woman, but I can see us walking around with little BB and snuggling little BB and putting little BB to bed in this home (let's face it, I could imagine me doing that anywhere) and, partly because of that, it really feels like home.

Today I have decided to write a letter of thanks to God for all of the amazing things he has given me... which lately I have fallen flat on my face in appreciating.  Note my lack of posting because I felt like I was too Debbie-Downer for the internet. That's right, I censored myself.

I went through a season of doubt, frustration and fear in place of the hope, appreciation and joy that I should have been feeling - and I want to name that sin & separate myself from it.

Dear God, thanks for today. I'm thankful for:

Baby Butler: Thank You for the gift of life that I have - inside of me! - and that every morning and every evening, John & I can talk to my tummy and know that a little someone is in there. Thank You for the love we feel towards our child, because BB is our child already. I am sorry for the fear and anxiety that I have carried with me through the early stages of this pregnancy and I give all of us to You. Because Yours really are the best hands to be held in.

My husband: His hard work, his dedication, his stunning looks, his joy and his resistance to feeling discouraged. He is a man that knows peace and patience and is resistant to letting others bring him down. He is the best! Thank You for that man.

My home: With a breath of relief, I say THANK YOU for this home. Thank you that it's just a rental, and for making it quite stunningly clear to us that we are in no place to own. And that it has enough room for us to grow. And is within our budget. And is gorgeous (in my opinion). And has the kitchen of my dreams. Thanks for the season it took us to get here.

My kitchen: Thank You for teaching me 85% of the virtues I need to learn, within this one little room. Thank You that you are going to keep doing that with me. I know it's the special place I go to battle a few times a week (that's right, I am not quite at the every-day stage yet) and I'm thankful for it. And for countertop space and an old vinyl floor I can spill stuff on.

My jobs: Thank You that I don't work jobs like the average person, but that I have them. Thank You for all 3 of them. I love them all.

Hope/
Appreciation/
Joy.

These are the things I will specifically strive for in the next 6 months, so BB can come into a home filled with the love needed to sustain a growing family.

With love,

Sam